Yes, I'm learning how to have patience. It's not easy, but it is getting easier every day.
I have thought about shaving off the beard... it might be a good change. I joined the gym and have been working out. Since all of this started, I've lost 23-25 lbs. Down to the low 180's. I do feel better and have more energy.
I think it's hard to understand why the begging, pleading, etc doesn't work at first. I know it took me a while. I blamed myself for everything. Now, that emotions are under control, I can see why the begging doesn't work. Calling friends/family doesn't work. .... I guess I had to try it to understand why it didn't work.
Lately, I've been thinking about what I was like before I met my wife. I had confidence in myself. I could make decisions. I knew what I wanted. I had a future. I didn't beg. I had values that I didn't compromise. I'm starting to see that person reappear. And that's the person that my wife fell in love with, not the person that she broke up with.
I really miss my wife, but I know that I'm getting stronger and better everyday. I'm becoming "happy" with myself. I hope she'll see it, but if she never sees it I know that I'll be a better person for the next relationship. And more importantly, I'll be a better "me".
BTW, I am still frustrated, mad, hurt, but it's not "hopeless". Before, I was hopeless and had no sense of future. I now have hope for "me". (that's different from trying to put all my hope in my relationship.)
I probably need to go back and re-read the DR & SSM books -- may be able to "understand" it better now.
