Haven't been around for a bit and thought that I would pop in and say, "Hey"!
Have another court date last week, hope that it will be the final one. 'til then just trying to keep keeping on. Don't see H much at all. Maybe once a week, he has been called a rageaholic by my T who told me to leave him alone in his "wilderness". She is great and given what I have seen here from Snodderly and BND, it makes sense. So, onward and forward.
My d has her dress rehearsal for her recital so I am not sure if we will be able to make it. I am going to try very hard though as I need some R and R. Dancing engulfs everything in my life from April to June. Work is extra hectic too because I am coming into "busy season"...
Regarding the therapist, she is FANTASTIC and has helped me find clarity on a lot lately. Email me and I will send you some info that might help...
Jeannette, I was raised Catholic/Baptist. I feel guilty for EVERYTHING. SMILE
Hey Everyone, I wanted to take a moment to personally tell you this story.By telling this story, I am not implying that this will happen in anyone else’s case including my own but thought that I would share. I have watched this from a distance with my very own two eyes...
A neighbor’s husband flipped out in what I now know was MLC in about 2003/2004 when he retired and became a stay at home Dad. He was about 40-42ish at the time. Obviously with too much time on his hands he got into an A. Please note, she went back to school around that time for her Master’s, they were having a house built in Florida so that when she was done they would relocate and start their new lives at just about the time their children would be going into junior high school.
Out of the clear blue, he drops the bomb and his was well planned. He had gotten an apartment, had his mail sent their for over a year!!!! It was his lovenest fo him and OW. He files the papers and she goes with the FLOW. She cuts contact, files child support and moves on with HER life. They see each other for child exchange, at school events and for joint activities with the kids. Other than that, no contact. I have even tried to talk to her about him and what she felt about the situation and she would say, I have moved on. I don’t care. He has some nerve doing this to my kids. I don’t care about him now, let him lie in his bed.
He starts to realize how much he will be losing and literally starts trying to get back with her at every turn.
She keeps her distance saying that too much damage has been done and she is not interested any longer. I told her several times that hers was not cooked and that she would be getting a better man but she is determined to move on without him and decides to move to California. He puts the kibosh on it by taking her to court for custody. This goes on for well over a year. She is livid. She gave him all the room in the world to breathe while collecting cs and moving on with her life. I was convinced that they would not be together even though I know he was cooking. I told her to come to this site and she said that she had no interest because of how he was hurting her children. She did not want him back etc,etc.
I last saw her in December, just days before she says that her D was to be final. But there is some kind of grace period before a d is really really final in this state. So the waiting period was to end April 23. He went to court on April 13 and CANCELLED it.
That’s right folks, after 4-5 years of MLC and him filing, he went to court and CANCELLED IT. Called it off, put the kibosh on it in the eleventh hour.
He called her and apologized and asked to meet with her. They talked and he asked her to move to Florida to the home that he had been having finished for them (this is what he has been doing since December) and they are moving 4th of July weekend to Florida. He will pay the mortgage, she will start her new career and the munchkins get a new house in a gated community with a yellow brick road to the pool. He will live with the family again he said. Even if it means that she lives on one side of the house and her on the other is what he told her. Anything to be with his family again and that he loves her and wants to be with her. She was not too quick to jump at this and is going with some reservations given everything that has happened but I give her credit for even giving it a go at this stage.
They do come back, it is just a matter of where you are in your own growth and development and it they have not caused too much damage. I love it when a plan comes together. I have a feeling that they are going to be fine. A fresh start never hurt anyone.
Sniff......that was beautiful. It just goes to show you that if you let it go, continue on with your life doing what you need to do in order to GAL and survive.....things might turn around.
Thank you for sharing that. It means alot to us.
I LOVE YOU! HUGZZZZZZZZZZZz
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
It does seem like a long time but some of this time like in the early stages of year one he was still living at home and undercover. It was not until about 2004 that she came home and half of her stuff was gone and he had moved out. He has been trying for some time to get back with her and it really heated up about this time last year when he filed for custody to keep her from going to Ca. She is taking him back with some reservations given the past 3-4 years but I think that it is promising to me, he is humbled. A man with no plan for his family is worse than an infidel (quoted from the Bible) so at least now he has a plan.
ACJ, I agree. They have to cook. It is almost like baking a cake. Some cakes cannot rise at certain altitudes and others fall or pancake if you put too much of any ingredient in. Guess we have to know what type of MLCer we are dealing with in order to gauge if they will fully cook or "fall". Either way, it is our job to stay outside of the oven so that we don't get burned or spattered.
So, I call the children's father today to ask him to take son to a follow up visit this evening that I was just able to get today and of course the answer is,"I will have to get back to you." He calls back 5 mins later with a I can't do this tonight, why'd you just tell me?
I might preface this with the fact that I do not like this person but he is hurting my children and I want to now ... gouge out his eyes. I of course am better than that but the idea does make me feel better right now...
The ultimate outcome is that he would be more available to his children. Advice on the note please.
I have worked very hard to eliminate emotions from conversations with you however, I thought that it would be helpful for you to understand that it is very frustrating to talk with you about things related to the children’s schedules, medical or dental appointments and general calendaring. I would never question their importance to you however they have themselves have questioned your availability for them.
No matter what it is, you are now so busy that your answer to everything is, ”I will get back to you”. This renders it virtually impossible to deal with you on matters as they relate to the children. Not everything with children can be scheduled days or weeks in advance to accommodate your schedule. Sometimes things are spontaneous.
I recall you as a doting parent, it is so hard to understand how this could change so much. Whenever I try to understand this change and help the children with their feelings about this I just cannot help but mourn the loss of the father that was always available rather than how things are for them with you at present. I have handled the majority of the Dr. visits, co-payments and prescriptions since 2004 but over the past winter you never inquired about the visits for pink eye on December 23,2006, the viruses and vomiting that kept the four of us awake for days or the colds. Yet you state that I do not communicate with you regarding the children.
I do not bring my feelings into this at all, just a general observation and your interaction or lack of with me concerning the children.
Please be more available to the children and their scheduling in the future as it makes them feel secure.
