When you finally get the chance to talk to Mrs. Choc what about challenging her? Help her stop all the namby pamby "water under the bridge" talk and all the "space" talk. Tell her that you know she is scared but this is no time to be a sissy, that you thought she had more fight in her than that. Tell her that when you are both in the position of talking to your children about the realities of marriage before they walk down the aisle YOU plan of doing so from a perspectivce of KNOWING that you have given it your all - what about her? Does she really want to have to stand there and tell her daughters that she just needed the "little fix" of hearing a few empty compliments from some man to whom she has no shared history or commitment all while giving you, their father, some half azzed, "gee, I don't know" kind of answers. Does she really expect her children to think marriage is forever when she is choosing this kind of path? I am assuming that there is no violence here, no emotional abuse, no drug or alcohol abuse, no infidelity on your part, nothing more than simple marital neglect. Well, where I come from THAT is a pretty lame excuse for ending a marriage. Tell her that. Tell her that if you are going to end this marriage you only plan to do so from a position of personal integrity - that only comes from knowing you have tried EVERYTHING and failed. You thought she was the kind of person that felt the same.
Perhaps others will disagree with me but if my spouse won't fight then why should I? The man I married is made of better stuff than that. I realize that this sounds funny coming from someone with marital issues BUT I will say that many times when he has felt our family life being threatened by my work or other things he has acted quicklly and decisively to end the threat. Unfortunately, he just doesn't seem to put lack of sex in the same category. Essentially Choc, speak to her better self NOT the one that is hemming and hawing while putting your marriage in jeopardy.
