Good to hear you are holding up well given the circumstances. No matter what happens over the next 6 months it will not be easy on you so it is good that you are taking care of yourself.
It sounds like your lunch was good overall. If she follows through with writing a letter, that will possibly give some additional insight but do not ask her about it!
It is natural to make the lists of interesting behavior. In my opinion it is more helpful for the sake of making sure YOU see how things are progressing. I did the same thing during my separation and it did help me. On the other hand it is not all that useful in figuring out the Walkaway Spouse because honestly many of them are just not thinking logically even when they think they are. As far as trying to figure out why she has not filed yet, I do not think it is worth your tine to try to logically figure out why. FWIW, my XH has given me a little feedback from the "other side" and it is not all that helpful. It is like he woke up from sleepwalking and he seems to not remember exactly what he was feeling because it makes no sense to him now. Trust me, I cross examined him trying to get information to help others here!
You know your wife better than us but I doubt she is purposely testing you. That is why keeping on track to make the needed changes FOR YOU is so important because it will take her awhile to really see and acknowledge the changes. Remember in many ways she is not even looking for the changes since she has already "made her decision." You don't need to argue that point with her but obviously decisions can be changed! Waiting for her reaction is not useful for you and will not be a good gauge of your progress. You need to become the MAN YOU want to be for yourself. That way YOU are happy with yourself either way it ends up. (I hope you can see the difference. You can like yourself AND wish that you had your wife back. You can be happy with one area of your life while unhappy about another area. It is not easy but it is well worth it. Off topic – people do this with many things – unhappy with their job (weight, family, salary, etc.) and so the rest of their life becomes miserable. What a waste.)
Anyway, I hope you stay strong and focused and use this board to vent whenever you have frustrations!!
Have you started biking/exercising regularly? Still thinking about shaving off the beard???
Good luck
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
