Separated...and pregnant. Advice appreciated.

[cat03]

well, you've read my post in piecing, yes, but at this stage (H being home for just a year) they are far and seldom happen, whereas the first 6mths were plagued with anxiety and misgivings. I still try to read R books to keep my feisty nature in check :), to keep up the good changes.

Fear is the strongest enemy you will face every day. You can sit and count all the negatives, ei. your family isnt together...etc. Or you could remind yourself that your H wants to be around you when the baby comes, is going to C and has contact with you, actions for which loads of people here would kill for.

We had a board member who was in your same shoes, even worse, she found her H w/OW in bed and he told her right then and there he hated her and didnt' want her baby. She overcame THAT, imagen!

Here, I will post some golden advice I compiled when I was piecing and despairing:
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You are breeding negativity.
STOP IT.
Can you just allow yourself to dare to think something GOOD about your husband?
Of course the man is not "happy"!
He is thinking of how long it's going to take to get back into your good graces, how long until you stop expecting the worst from him, how long until you have faith that he will do something other than screw up, how long til you will really love him again and the two of you can truly be a healed family.
HOW can he EVER believe in HIMSELF when NO ONE BELIEVES IN HIM??
It's your move.
The man needs a wife that is going to stand behind him and lift him up when the rest of the world pisses on him.
A wife that believes in him although at times he doubts himself.
He needs someone to give him a chance.
Your children need someone to give Daddy a chance.
If he screws it up, you have the option of filing for divorce and I won't even bat an eye if you do. I will understand.
But as sure as WE all screw up and Jesus forgives US, we need to forgive those that hurt us and need another chance.
It's up to you.
Fear or faith?
Which one are you gonna feed tonight?
I don't give a rat's ass about history or odds or statistics.
WHAT IF WHATEVER HAPPENS IS SOLELY DETERMINED BY YOUR ACTIONS AND ATTITUDES?
What if.....?
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You only have control over YOUR actions and life. Make it good. You think she's not watching, but she is. Until she files for a D, she still, somewhere in there, has hope and faith that you might change and give her a happier M. She needs to come forward too....but, believe it or not, she's watching and testing. If you throw her away, you just confirm her thoughts that you are unforgiving and unyielding. It's so twisted to have to think about someone else in this...and believe me, just 5 minutes ago I was feeling angry and selfish, and that's normal too.

Go forth and remember this. These MAY be the last days of your M. They MAY not. Regardless, go on with a bang. Reflect and think about things you WISH you could have done differently. Do them now. Make the change, with no expectations or strings. Just be the best partner and person you can be, however limited that is now, to a person you once and still do love dearly. Why? Just for the sake of doing the right thing....

Remember the day you got married. You both never intended on becoming the people you did in the M. She never meant to cheat on you that day. You never meant to become the H you did (whatever that was, but surely has SOME need for change). What's done is done. Now, go back to that man, with good intentions and hope.
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