I've told myself in my sitch, and in Heather's it's the porn issue, if he cheats again he's gone. Would I really be able to do that? I say to myself if he is still talking to OW and doesn't see how good he really has it WITH ME, that's his loss and I don't want him anyway. But do I really believe that?
See, this is a big part of the problem I think. People will often push as far as the other person "lets" them. I'm very guilty of this myself. I'm sure you and Heather's Hs are very aware of your lack of boundaries. They got away with it once so why not twice, or forever? And when you said "do I really feel that way?" It is obvious the answer is no. You will allow him to do it again. If you are already questioning it, then that is YOUR burden to figure out. Like GEL said, no one makes you do anything. You let them get away with it. My H is probably walking on some eggshells with me now because he knows I am 110% certain that if he leaves again, I will be 110% convinced the M is finally dead. I told myself (and truly believed it, which is key) that his unwillingness to at least stay in the house when things are crappy, or when he's depressed, or just feeling like running away, then that's it. I'm done. I don't know how you convey that to them exactly but it won't be conveyed at all if you don't believe it yourself. That's the first step. Heather, you don't seem anywhere near ready to make that choice. I hurt for you because I cannot imagine living like that. But again, repeating GEL's words, you allow it to happen sweetie. LFL
