Piecing - H still contacts OW

[Concerned_Listener]

OC,
I can understand your distress. Your H is back home and continues contact with the OW. It sounds like he moved back on his terms.

I too live with my spouse, and suspect she continues with an EA. I've decided to not push for a separation. I believe that if there are positives in the R, the situation is improving, and that I'm able to get better with practice the skills of DB, detachment, GAL, cultivating unconditional love, and other life skills, than we can live under the same roof.

I know it's a difficult situation to get used to. We want the OP out of our lives.

I think the shift we have to make to adapt to this, is to focus on what's going on inside our heads, and how we're acting, versus what's going on with the WAS. Otherwise, we're simply trying to make pain and discomfort go away, and trying to create a scenario we think is safer and more comfortable.

I don't think trying to enforce that your H cease and desist with the OW is going to create what you're looking for. The essential problems and issues that he and the R has will still be there.

Your role at this time is to cultivate happiness, love, and connection in your life, to detach from his problems, to let the situation settle down so that you can get a clearer perspective on what's really going on, and to have realistic expectations of your H.

If you cannot attain a positive state-of-mind while he is living at home, and continues an EA, than you may need to consider a separation. It is more important to have a positive R with your H, than it is to be living under the same roof.

CL