I really have tried to see this from H's side and it is TOUGH... I get that it's awkward and all but it's really hard for me to understand how he can't just say "Get out of my life" and then DO it. And it's even tougher to find any kind of empathy for the OW, that's for sure. I'm supposed to care if SHE is hurt???
But - now that they are back and trying to work on things, I am seeing more and more how important it is to keep expressing the hurt it causes when they're in contact, if you know about it. It hasn't come up again but I am fully prepared when/if I find out that H has called or "hung out" with her - "Wow H that really hurts, we've talked about her not being a friend to me or our marriage and it's very painful to me that you continue to have any non-work contact with her. I want to build a great M with you but I can't be sure of us doing that if you won't cut off contact with her." Or the short but sweet version - "H it really hurts that you continue to contact her outside of work. Let me know when you've fully cut off contact with her so we can continue to rebuild our M together."
I may work on Oldtimer's "cut the crap" too. I like it.
It's a balancing act for sure... letting yourself trust as much as you can vs. knowing when you're being "played" and addressing it.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
