Afterall..... This IS my life IV for heatherg

[heatherg]

Thanks. That's the good thing about this site, we all know what it feels like to be 'there'. Good, but not good. YNWIM.

You definitely need to address the porn issue, but maybe right now you just need to go back to the old basic DB'ing.

I see your point, but I don't see any way to skirt this stuff. We are in the middle of reconciliation and the hard stuff has got to happen if we are to stay together. Where I could have used some DBing was in my reaction, so that I wouldn't have ripped the cord out of the wall and told him that we were over. But I can't go back now. And I can't pretend that it didn't happen either, ya know? I can't keep giving him the impression that he can step over my boundaries and I will keep staying.

I'm really glad to hear things are going better in your situation, I've read parts of your thread before. It sounds like you did an absolutely wonderful job of stepping up to the plate and taking responsibiity for your weaknesses in the M. IMO, it's not all about WHAT we do to fix the problems, although that's pretty important too, but it's also about the willingness to acknowledge to our partners where we've gone wrong too. My H hasn't really ever been able to do that about anything, at least not with any discernible amount of regret or realization that some of our problems were caused by him, not just me.

I go home Sunday. I'll probably have to take a cab home from the airport I haven't figured out what I am going to say or do, but my sense is that any words will be lost on him because it appears to me from the way he is on the telephone that he has gone back to the old H where nothing gets in.