Just getting started peicing it back together 2

[OldFool]

I think you're doing the best you can under the circumstances. I'm concerned about what this other counselor may be saying. I wish she were going to the one you had both seen initially. This second one may be sabotaging your efforts.

As for your W, sometimes people just get selfish and ugly, and there's not a #%*(&$@# thing you can do about it. If she thinks she can just have you move out and move in and move out and...well, you get the idea, then I think she may be delusional as well. It's just not fair to expect a person to do that and not very realistic either. It was a kindness that you moved out before without a hassle, but now she has decided that this should be expected. Try not to be harsh, but I don't think there's a problem with standing your ground considering she invited you back in.

[jersting]

I am still at the house with family. I think I see now what so many people on this board is going through. It is very hard to stay in a house with an unloving wife that does not have the right mindset to move out or go file or try to make a marriage work. I am just trying to live my life around here and ignore the way she is. I wonder if it would be beter for me to move out and push the D through. I think if I would do that though I would look back at all of this and not have the feeling that I done every thing I could. I want that feeling before I make any atempt to end it on my own. I don't know why I think I need this, I just think I would feel better in the future.

[OldFool]

At the end of the day, you need to do what you need to do. If that's staying, then you should stay. If that's moving out, then you should move out. The only thing I'd suggest is that if you come to the point where you want out (or, better yet, just before you hit that point if you can tell it's coming), try moving out again without pushing forward on the D. You're in no worse shape and can wait for a bit then and see what happens.

[jersting]

The only thing I'd suggest is that if you come to the point where you want out (or, better yet, just before you hit that point if you can tell it's coming),

I am afraid that I have hit that point. I just want it over. I have done everything I can to try and make this work and I am tired of it. I don't want this for my kids, they don't deserve it. On the flip of the coin, I actually think I done a better job showing my kids love and understanding when we were seperated before. I don't mean to be a quiter and give up so easily but she is just making it to hard to deal with her any longer. I will stay on the boards and keep everyone updated but I don't think it will do anyone any good for me to express my views on marriage for a while. They say one person can keep a marriage together, but it definately takes 2 to make it worth a sh%4.

[OldFool]

I said this back on April 7th (I think) and I still stand by it.

...I thought things were going real good and I mentioned to my wife that I would move all my stuff back to the house and she asked why I wanted to rush things.

Whoa...patience there, fella. I agree with your W on this one. Until a good foundation is built, jumping back into things together could be counter-productive and lead one or both of you to engage in damaging behaviors. Let this go for a while. You've come this far, give the process a little more time to work. Remember, if you push too hard or too fast, you risk scaring her off.

If things are a mess and you can't keep going on as it is, then move out again...only stay out long enough this time for things to take shape. If you're going to throw in the towel anyway, you have nothing to lose in so doing. Move out as though you'll never move back in and then sit and let things simmer for a bit. If she cycles back around, don't fall for it. Don't talk about moving back in and if she brings it up, ignore it.

You'll be no worse off then you are right now, or will be if you hang up your cleats, and you might be surprised what may transpire with a little time and counseling.

[jersting]

I am having a bad day. I cannot seem to get my mind off of her. I miss my wife and I wish that this would have not happend to our family. I know that things will be fine for me but days like today stink. She has totaly given up on the idea of us staying together and she hasn't gone to any counseling sessions for 3 weeks. She is looking at houses and turned everything in to her lawyer that she wants to keep from the house. I have not talked to her at all in the last week. I am living in the basement of the house and I avoid all contact with her because it is too hard to see her. I did have a great day monday with the kids after school. We went fishing and just hung around together and they seemed to realy enjoy it also. W was gone all evening.

[OldFool]

I'm sorry you're having such a bad day. I know how hard it is. My own process is beginning to wind to a close and we should be divorced sometime this summer. It is a real loss. As for you, let her move out...help her move out. It may be the only chance you have. Once she's out of the mix, it may be better for you (less pain) and her (space to sort things out and gain some perspective).

[jersting]

I brushed up on your sitch OF and I seen that things were not going so well for you. I am sorry about that. I know that there is something better for the both of us waiting down the road. I prayed alot last night for everyone in our sitchs to find patients and understanding. I feel much better today and I think if we alow God to take care of us he will.

[S_O_T_S]

Hi jersting. Quoting you in bold:

I am having a bad day.

Sorry to see that. You know, though, as you say, that they happen AND, more importantly that they end.

I cannot seem to get my mind off of her. I miss my wife and I wish that this would have not happend to our family.

I know. I hear that one loud and clear. The sense of loss is the hardest one for me too. Time helps, and so do distractions, but I can tell you that exactly what you write is where I get stuck most often. If you figure it out, let me know? My suspicion is that you just have to let these feelings be, and that they go away with time and distance.

I am living in the basement of the house and I avoid all contact with her because it is too hard to see her.

I did the same thing. All I can tell you is that I withdrew, rather than detached. That's what you did too. Do I understand? Of course. It's easier to put yourself in a position of never having to feel than it is to face up to having to feel something.

I did have a great day monday with the kids after school. We went fishing and just hung around together and they seemed to realy enjoy it also.

This is great. I'm glad you have some kind of positive outlet to focus on. Hopefully you can keep doing this, and frame it as looking forward to it with happiness rather than regret at the times you're not with them.

Take care and sorry to see your recent turn(s) of events.

[jersting]

I think that I must have jumped in this forum too soon. I think now it is time to find a different forum. I need one that has more to do with dealing with divorce instead of piecing. I guess when she came back to me it was just for the kids and not her. We are closing tomorrow on a new house for her and the kids and I think the divorce is just around the corner. I feel so much heart ache that I just want to get over her but I just can't seem to get her out of my heart even though my mind wants to. I am pretty sure she is having an affair with someone and I started to dig on that a little and just made me feel worse so now I just let my mind play the scenarios through and it makes me nuts. I thought that maybe if I could get proof that she is with someone else it would help me to get her out of my heart but I don't think that is going to work either. One question I have is this... If God put us together why are we going apart and if God does want us apart why won't he take her out of my heart and make this easier on me?