Choc wrote:"I get "caring" and "empathetic," but most of my "romantic" game probably comes off as too needy/grabby, if that makes any sense."
Then drop it.
Go back and read what I have written to you lately and in the past. I think that you will find the overriding theme is COMMON SENSE.
There isn't any magic, just hard work.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
I've just got through reading your thread. Wow! Well you are right in the fray and going strong. WTG.
You said I still have a hard time figuring out where "leading" ends, and "controlling" begins tho.
Leading means you doing what you want; controlling means forcing her to.
There's lots of things you can do to woo her and not seem needy or grabby.
Be playful/happy around the kids so she sees playful happy Choc, not grumpy Choc. This might be easier to do than being that way just for her right now.
I don't know how things work out with chores etc in the Choc household but step up to the plate with full willingness on any of the chores that are yours, don't show any signs of reluctance or tiredness etc.
Protect her at all times, this can be as simple as getting the kids to cut it out if they are being disrespectful or immediately helping her with any heavy work. She's the little woman and you are the big man - make her feel that.
And as Stig said:
I would suggest you start by giving your W loving smiles when you come home or run into her out and about. I'm sure you did this every time you saw her when you first started dating, no?
Don't take too much notice of her reactions. Don't let them throw you off your plan.
I wish you all the luck in the world
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
Choc. The book Cemar recomended is quite good the advice is really solid and apropriate for where you are at right now. For myself I would ditch the key logger, it would drive me crazy, you have enough reasons to be stressed right now.
Keep the key logger Choc. With it you know what is going on and not going on. That is unless Mrs. Choc knows about it. I would never tell her. To me it is a diagnostic tool.
Droping the keylogger is like not getting a physical/blood work from the doctor because you are afraid of what the tests will tell you.
Some people attach emotions to it. The Keylogger doesn't have emotions. It records.
What is done is done, what is going to happen is going to happen based on what she wants to happen (her emotions) and what you "can" make happen/influence (the work you do).
That is, if it's 3am and I want to cry my eyes out, then go in the bathroom, turn the exhaust fan on, and cry your eyes out, man, but do NOT do it in front of her, as it will NOT come across the least been attractive!
BTDT every day my friend.
I feel for you. You are doing well. Keep at it.
Chrome ... who is still cheering on the sidelines.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
I will keep the keylogger. It is not only for my family's protection, but it is a glimpse into her soul. I'm not exactly as intuitive as I ought to be these days, so it helps.
Just stay positive. You finally decided to make the big leap and it's not going to happen overnight, right? Just love her . . .
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
