Over the past couple years I've noticed these things:
1) The majority of people who find their way to this board are in a situation where the WAS is EXTREME. They are in an affair, or abusive, or both.
2) The Divorce Busting books are aimed at people who are in a relationship where the other person actually WANTS to do something to attempt to save the marriage. Yes, she makes the point that ONE person can make a difference BUT only if the other person is emotionally mature and actually WANTS to be in the relationship if it were 'better'.
3) DB'ing doesn't mean 'taking abuse'. The 'last resort' and 'going dark' are ways to measure whether or not the WAS has ANY feelings or desire to be in a relationship with the LBS. If they don't respond to EITHER then gee, they don't want to be in the relationship. It doesn't matter WHY, it just IS.
4) I mostly see the perspective of Men as WAS's and I've seen by example that if the men 'take back their balls' and act like MEN again, while also being sensitive to the emotional and mental issues their WAS's have that they have the best chance of starting a NEW relationship with their W's. If, while doing this their W's STILL crap on them then it is only a reflection on what losers THEIR W's are. Like I said once before, a W would have top be crazy or stupid not to realize that the LBS is a much better man that they were before.
5) 'Standing' for a marriage that doesn't exist is not 'standing' for anything. Almost every guy I've followed whose W has gone to some extreme, ran off and cut off communication, never had a healthy marriage to being with. At all. People don't 'suddenly' lose it. It was always there, it just needed the energy put into it to get it to finally rear its head.
6) Finally, there is the other situation where the WAW is still communicating, is hurt, angry, and very very confused. In my opinion that is when YOU (the LBS) need to suck up all the energy you can and become her 'counselor' and treat her like you would treat anybody who is lost, and needs a friend who will love them unconditionally (like COG did, like I did). Not 'give them space' for months and then wonder why things don't get better. When you can literally NOT be affected by any of the venom because you REALIZE you are dealing with someone who is mentally ill right now then you can help them find their way out of the pain.
