Afterall..... This IS my life IV for heatherg

[RedHeadWife]

Heather: you guys did sound like you were doing so well. Had he quit talking about D?

I think GEL is the best to address the porn issue, however, him saying "it's not up for discussion" sounds kind of like a backwards ultimatum to you. Kind of like "what are you going to do about it?"

I know I was so scared and still am. You said something about being happy w/ who YOU are in the relationship. I know when H dropped the D bomb, I was scared out of my mind. I never got to the point where I thought I would be ok because I still loved him!! Is this how you feel? He's a part of you? and the thought of being w/o him is scary?

That's something you can work on (and I'm trying to work on too) even if you two do continue to work on things when you get home. Are you going to try to call him or are you just going to wait to talk to him when you get home?

I guess the bottom line is that you need to figure out if YOU feel like he really crossed the boundary lines and if YOU really want it to be over. I'm getting the feeling you don't want it to be over with, but feel like he's done the damage to the point where you SHOULD want it to be over with.

That's where the "scared" part comes in maybe. You aren't ready to give up and move on, but he continues to lie and do the porn thing after you had told him that was not ok.

I would say this, don't let pride get in the way of still trying to work things out, however, he still needs to know that while you are working on things in the R, he needs to keep up his end of the bargain too. Find out why he hadn't gotten rid of the movies yet. Tell him "it's not up for discussion" to not get this out in the open and figure out what is really going on here. What does he want? Does he want to keep working on the M? Then he needs to uphold his promises to you.