I know you say you're past 2004 and it's a small part but I still get the feeling from your H's past escapism comment that it still sticks in your craw. You're only human. I hope one day it won't stir a wisp in you and you guys can only look forward.
I understand what you mean by lack of assertiveness. I think your H can gain this if you stay open as to what really turns you on. Has he read Deida or Eldredge's Wild at Heart or any "man" type books?
I might guess your H has a dominant mother and passive detached father. Lack of assertiveness is fostered many times by an overbearing mother who is trying to take on both the role of the mother and the assertive/aggressive guidance needed by a strong father or a mentor group of male elders.
Regardless, LFL, I think if you can somehow keep him feeling good about himself and his sexual positives you can ladder him up to where you'd like to be.
Finally, the next post I'm making I wrote earlier when your thread locked up. Please don't try and address it all -- it's HUGE as typical of my posts long ago.
I also address your OM letter issue. I think at this point since you didn't blow it off and engaged OM that H needs to see the "sweetheart and total hottie" lines and decide how to respond to OM. It may also allow him to be possessive and a bit more assertive.
But it's your call of course. Maybe he will feel it evens the playing field a little more than "somewhat." Dunno.
And as to your separating this BB from RL, big nod. We are all a little freer to open up and give each other 2x4s without the potentiality of irreversibly damaging a RL friendship.
-Stigmata-
The difference between a warrior and an ordinary man is the warrior views everything as a challenge; the ordinary man views everything as either a blessing or a curse.
-Yaqui shaman Don Juan-
...and that holds 2x true for nice guy wussies, DJ
