Can I ask how you feel too? How does it feel to be piecing? Do you feel "there" or is it still a journey? Do any of the bad feelings still resurface from time to time? How do you deal with them? (sorry, it's the Spanish Inquisition!!)
Jen, darling, you can ask me anything, anytime! To answer your questions:
Heck, yeah, I still see this as a journey. To be honest, I'm not sure if it ever ends. At best, I expect it probably cycles between "stretch, grow, and push out of the comfort zone" and "give yourself a break for a while and just be". The danger, at least for me, is to settle into that comfortable place too long, where it stops being a rest and starts being a rut.
As far as the bad feelings - of course they do pop up every now and then. Usually, they are prompted by something that my W does - perhaps she is a little withdrawn or unaffectionate, or she gets so focused outside of the M that I worry she's losing interest. BUT - and this is the trick for me - I throw up that big stop sign and get out of the paranoid mindset as quickly as I can. In the Bad Old Days, pre-bomb, I know that one of the mistakes we both made was to withdraw from each other. It was a viscous circle. The most blatant example of that was in bed: W would not be interested, I would take it as a personal insult, I would lose interest myself, W would that THAT as a personal insult - it just spiraled from there, in unpleasant little baby steps.
Now, when W withdraws a bit I stop and think, and reach one of two conclusions. First, it really does have something to do with me - in which case, I'm much better at getting to the bottom of it and addressing whatever I may have done or not done. Second, it has NOTHING to do with me - which is honestly the case MOST of the time. Then, instead of sulking off to my cave, I can offer support and encouragement for her. A much healthier and happier way to resolve things!
Originally Posted By: rainbowlove
Well, call me if you get a chance...
Hi rainbow! I apologize that I haven't called - will try to do that soon. What times of the day work best for you?
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
