Things are going great on the surface here. H is doing all the right things, helping out, being around. We had a small disagreement over the weekend, and though I doubt the problem is solved, I do feel like we're both communicating better.
Today has been rough though. We met with C, and brought up the biggest underlying issue for me: H's complete lack of remorse or empathy. It was a little bit confrontational, and I felt horrible when it was over.
H tries to put everything back on me, makes ridiculous requests in response to my concerns that he has not addressed any of the changes regarding his employment we agreed to four weeks ago. I know it's his way of deflecting, and that his method of coping with difficult issues is to pretend they don't exist or aren't as big a deal as they really are. But I can't sit by and think that just smoothing everything over is going to fix our M. If he thinks (and he said this out-right) that having affairs isn't a big deal, what is going to keep him from doing it again, the next time he just stops caring about me?
Gah. I know I'm in emotional shock from the C session, but I'm scared that somehow I've messed everything up by insisting we work on our issues. And that statement on the screen before me looks and sounds COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS.
I'm fighting the fear. I'm doing the work to give him the benefit of the doubt. I'm loving him and encouraging him and grateful to have him here with us. So why do I feel like I'm the screw-up when it comes to putting this all back together?
