You don't sound mean, and I appreciate your advice. And please know that -- other than sending the flowers to her work (which was really just a tactical move meant for OM) -- I'm just voicing these things HERE, to you guys, and not to her.
I understand that she needs to see strength right now.
The last two posts take a ton of sense to me -- this WASN'T how I courted her, and she WOULD be turned off by those things.
You are way ahead of the game here, but you can easily give up your advantage by insisting that W be where you want her to be rather than where she is.
Big "aha" moment. I'm wondering if that's exactly what I did during the short-lived "epiphany" fortnight 4-1/2 years ago.
I'm only snooping to confirm the EA, so that I can have evidence to confront her with it. And confront her I will -- ONCE. After that, I won't throw her face in it, but WILL enforce the boundaries, as has been pointed out to me so well by the others.
Excellent! Glad to hear some of this is making sense and I appreciate that you here venting you inner emotions rather than spouting them out to her. This is a great place for that and the good people here will help you when you stumble.
I have faith in you.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
Hmmm, I wondering what confronting her about the EA is going to accomplish? Will that help you attain your goal?
Thoughts on this from others?
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
PArob - agreed, I really don't see the point of it right now.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
And, I agree, confronting her with the EA/PA (if there is one) would be first on the agenda
But you had better have good solid proof of it first
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Sometimes people can't settle down until they mention the elephant in the room.
Of course, the elephant isn't the problem. The problem is that the whole three ring circus is in shambles and picking on the elephant isn't going to fix anything.
Still, sometimes people can't settle down until they mention the elephant in the room.
Of course, focusing on the elephant is going to make it seem as though the bigger problems with the circus are less important to you.
Still, sometimes people can't settle down until they mention the elephant in the room.
And, if the problems with the circus were fixed the elephant might take care of itself.
Still, sometimes people can't settle down until they mention the elephant in the room.
And, taking down the elephant with the elephant gun might take down the whole circus for good.
Still, sometimes people can't settle down until they take aim at the elephant in the room.
I agree that it is not the right time to discuss a possible EA. But, if Choc must, the best thing to do is to say something factual about himself, once, then drop it:
"W, I believe you are having what I would consider to be inappropriate contact with another male. It hurts."
