Were you needy/grabby/desparate when you first courted your wife? No.
If you think she looks beautiful, then tell her. If you think she looks awful and her breath stinks because she has the flu, then don't tell her anything about the way she looks.
If you think she looks beautiful and you are going to tell her but you think you are going to bawl like a baby, then keep it to yourself.
Treat her like you care about her. That doesn't automatically mean that you are being needy/grabby/desperate. That means that you care about her.
Stop playing a game.
Here is what you are doing.
You are putting your best face forward to win your wife's heart back, just like when you were dating. That's okay, you happen to be married to her.
You are shunning any wayward behavior, including the affair.
You are refusing to be disrespected by enabling the attention of another man toward your wife. That doesn't mean you can control her. It DOES mean that you don't have to condone it.
Call her if you feel like it, but don't wear your heart on your sleeve if she is less than civil or seems uncaring. Call her if you feel like it and you can do it without her response affecting you.
Send her flowers on occasion if you want to and you can handle her seeming indifference.
Treat her the way you would want to be treated but don't expect it in return.
Your wife is currently buried away in her waywardness and the resulting confusion. Do not expect normal reactions from her. If you can treat her well regardless of that, then do so.
Be constant in your love for her.
Be patient when she is difficult.
Quote: "P.S. I've also been told to "do what it was that attracted to her to begin with" . . . but I attracted her to begin with by being romantic, mushy, epathetic, romantic, caring, and totally UNlike the creep she was engaged to at the time!"
Then be romantic, caring and empathetic with her. I bet that is what the other man is doing. That is why I wanted you to watch their interactions weeks ago.
Figure out where you fit in what I have written to you, then wear it like a jacket. Let that jacket be the constancy you present to your wife, day in, day out.
How's that?
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
