Met today at a local restaurant, my choice of new location. Went in sat down, place orders.
General chit-chat. Pleasant. She gave me a check for our house payment (less some other expenses).
She brought up my mother and wanted to know what I wanted to do about them talking. I told her that it was her decision -- she could talk with my mother or not. She could tell her whatever she wanted or she could just not tell her anything. It was up to her.
She said that she thought that I was going to talk with my mother. I told her I had. But that she wanted to hear it from her -- get her version too. I told her that I understood why she was unhappy, but that I did understand why she thought that divorce was the only answer.
She got teary eyed and took some deep breaths and said that "may be it was because she just didn't love me anymore." That she was done back in October and just thought that counseling might help. Then when in counseling I said some things that pushed her out. (She had previously always said that "there was nothing I could say or do in counseling that would cause her to leave.")
She tried to talk more and couldn't with out tearing up. She was really getting choked up. I told her that I hadn't planned on talking about the relationship and wanted to keep things lite -- she said that she knew that and it was her fault for bringing it up. That she was going to work on a letter and try to say things in it. I said, "Let's change the subject....."
We started talking about other people, neighbors, friends, work, etc... Lot's of smiles and laughing. --- Like old times.
When we walked out of the restaurant, she said we would talk more about things later. She gave me a hug and I kissed her on the cheek. Told her to call me if she need anything. She said thanks.
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The things I find interesting:
-- She gets emotional when talking about the relationship -- at one point she said that it wasn't easy. I told her that it was normal and that if she wasn't upset that would be worse. -- She hasn't filed. -- She isn't pushing to file. -- She isn't pushing to sell the house. -- She isn't pushing to get the rest of her stuff. -- She didn't say anything about getting one of the cats. -- She stays firm in her decision.
If there was someone else that she was involved with or if she was really sure about the divorce, I would think that she'd want to get the divorce over with.
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I sometimes wonder if this is a "test".... to see if I'll keep wanting her. Make me work for it. May be even subconsciously, she still wants it to work, but thinks that she needs to punish or test me before she can admit that she too wants it to work out.
