Well, the Chit's About to Hit the Fan, Folks...

[Stigmata]

Choco,

It's going to be a bumpy ride. You are now seeing things with fresh eyes.

It is paramount that you do not go from indifferent resentful Choco to smothering Choco in one furious push.

She spoke to OM for 38 minutes and to you only 2. You are now taking tallies. Do you see that keeping this kind of track wasn't even on your radar a few days ago?

This disparity has been going on for an x amount of time. Time enough for it to be a somewhat entrenched pattern.

STOP fixating on just how much the disparity is. Accept it. Own your part in it. That W is just being a flawed human who likes to have attention from someone fun once in a while and not some dark resentful cloud. Your job is to get back to the fun attention-giving guy you were at the start of your R without keeping score on if it's working on your W or not.

The flower thing is well-intended but I would suggest no more of this. Giving her favors on non-special days (like your anniversary) is pursuing and Mrs. Choc is undoubtedly starting to feel nervous as to what this new attention represents.

What does he know? Think?

You now know the score. She's deleting texts and you know there are a large number of them sent/received. Do not dwell.

She will not see your gestures of love when she is working out of a place of fear. OT is right. You can't start R moving forward convos in this dynamic.

Worst case, if it's an A it will burn out. They never last very long anyway. I am not going to tell you it is or it isn't or how far it's gone. Impossible. I just know the signs (as do others here) and the signs are not good.

Take heart, friend. Grabbing your shoulders and squeezing. The good news is you've awakened and are a fighter. The good news is that if there is something going on, you have just shortened the length of it by making it very uncomfortable for them both.

I agree with NOPkins, BF, others. I have not delved into other forums but ignoring it will only make your life miserable while letting the pressure off.

Every corner where there is deception you need to be there calmly.

I would also suggest you start covering your a$$ financially in the event a worst case scenario is a dealbreaker.

You cannot control what happens now with your W. There is always a way to thrwart you, just as Trying to Hold On has found with her H running to the library to set up a new email account.

People turn into aliens and you must remember they are enslaved by their brain chemicals.

At the point you decide you have enough evidence that there is something improper about the phone/text usage and you are paying for it. I would consider at that point taking Mrs. Choc by the hand, going down to the cell phone shop, and explaining to her and the Sprint rep or whomever that she is going to get her own cell phone account, minutes, and that you will not be further disrespected by paying for her disrespectful and deceitful (deleting texts if she has not done so regularly prior, for example) behavior.

Hi, Mr. Sprint rep, my wife here needs her own plan so she can continue racking up charges comunicating with another man I barely (or maybe don't even?) know. Great. How many minutes/text allowances do you think you'll need, honey?

Anyway, just an example of how to show that you will not tolerate this lying down if it should reach the point where you have the evidence you require.

Hang in there, Choco. They only just rang the first round bell and there are gonna be some nasty haymakers coming at you. Be strong. Fight for your wife, if not for your own control over your own future destiny with or without her.

-Stigmata-