I am going to give you some advice that you aren't going to like (and some others here as well).
As long as there is a third party involved in your relationship, you can not work on it.
You can work on you and other parts of your marriage.
You are going to receive advice from some here that you have to ignore an affair. I will tell you this, doing so will only enable it and extend its effects. Take the approach BF gave you. Deal with it directly and decisively each and every time it encroaches.
Once you have confronted your wife, then you accept no disrespect from her by her actions with other man while with you and children. She can leave to talk to him, or she can go outside, but don't tolerate her disrespect by her communication in the house.
Do not contact other man, but do contact his parents or wife/girlfriend once you have all your facts and expose the fact that this man is trying to destroy your family by having an affair with your wife. Do NOT warn your wife before you do this. She will get mad.
I have read a lot of advice on this BB regarding affairs, and I have seen some of the most outlandish suggestions of doormat behaviors imaginable from some on other forums. Any counseling that encourages you toward humiliation should be summarily rejected.
Lastly, in what your wife said to you. My interpretation was that she gave you information that indicates she is otherwise involved. Further, the texting is a dead giveaway.
You wife is having an affair. That is simply something additional for you to deal with. You knew things were headed that way anyway. Don't fret or sweat or fall apart, just deal with the facts. What ever you do, don't sit back on your ass and expect your situation to self-resolve. It won't happen. Going off the deep end emotionally won't help either, it will only prolong your pain.
If you need to discuss issues privately, you are welcome to email me. The address is in my profile.
Eat your Wheaties and get ready to rumble.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
