Approaching 1 yr of seperation...HELP!

[dixiegal]

Its like the last few weeks...Ive been so angry. Im just getting to the point of throwing in the towel. Its like Ive fallen back months. All I do is cry all the time and am consumed with thoughts of divorce and etc. I feel used and unloved by H. Though he wants to see me on his schedule, says he loves me, but dosent want to come home, breaks promises and etc. Its been 1 year and a flood of bad memories have been coming back.

All I want is for us to try and move forward. But, he keeps this going ya know...

[dixiegal]

Cat03-

Oh my gosh! You just said WORD FOR WORD what H says! Thank you so much!

Please...keep it coming! I need to talk to someone whom had some light at the end of the tunnel. I just feel beat up ya know? Its like I know what needs to be done but, you get so tired!

How long have yall been back together? How long was he away?

[alamogirl]

Hi dixiegal,

I noticed that you got the bomb 2 weeks before I did . When my H left, he had his mind made up, which was very hard for me to accept. He continued to call me everyday and come by just about everyday. We even renovated a room together--all the while we were separated. He never said the "I don't love you anymore" phrase, but he never said that he still loved me either.

We went to counseling together but he was there just to help me with closure. I felt we were making some progress. The counselor felt we were making some progress, and then, BAM...H told me during one of our counseling sessions that he was ready to file for divorce. Even our counselor was taken aback. I made one last attempt to save my marriage. I wrote him a 6-page letter explaining why I thought we were making a mistake getting a divorce, and listed many reasons why I thought we should work on our marriage. I know it was against the DB principles, but I was desperate, and I don't recall reading a chapter in the DR book titled "Desperation." The difference with your case is that your H doesn't want a divorce. Of course, it's unfair to you because you're the one who is waiting.

I believe it's Michele who talks about pressing forward with the divorce and see if that wakes the WAS up. If it's not Michele, I apologize for the inaccurate information. I've read so many self-help, self-healing guides on marriage, separation, and divorce that I get the authors mixed up.

I'm not sure if we can post urls from other websites, but here is a website about mid-life crisis by Pat Gaudette. If you type in midlifeclub with the usual before and afters, you will find an article titled, "HIS Midlife Crisis! Will Your Relationship Survive?" by Pat Gaudette, founder of The Midlife Club. It's an excellent read. There is also a community forum, but the posters are not helpful and friendly like on these boards. If you post a question on the "Men with MLC" boards, they get very defensive that you're asking a question on that particular board. The board is actually for males going through MLC, so they are on edge. I think they are also experiencing PMS as well .

Please read the article, and let me know what you think.

All my best,
alamogirl

[alamogirl]

Hey cat,

You're so right about husbands not wanting to come back because they think the damage has already been done. At least, it was that way with me. My H kept saying that he didn't want to try to reconcile because he "didn't think there was anything there." That really used to irritate me because we had never been separated before, nor had we ever discussed any maritial rift between us. This was the first time, so how could he say that he didn't think there was anything there?

I figure if you can fall in love with them the first time, you can rekindle and fall in love again. It may not be the hot passionate love comeplete with butterflies, but I believe you can find love and happiness again. It just takes 2 people to try.

All my best,
alamogirl

[rhoch]

I figure if you can fall in love with them the first time, you can rekindle and fall in love again.

\

I like the sound of that, now I just need a magic wand to make W believe it.

[dixiegal]

Thank you for the information. It helps so much...Its so hard to talk to someone that is not in or experience this. In my heart of hearts I dont want to go thru the big D. It is the waiting and all. They dont understand how much more damage they are doing as time goes by. Ya know?

I do know that I have to regain myself and curb the anger! I know I need to be happy and etc when I see him or he calls. Its just so hard! I know one thing...we should all win OSCARS for our ability to act happy when were not at all!

He is suppose to come over in the morning for breakfast and go to a early movie before he starts his shift. So, yall pray for me that I can get back on track and let go of the Divorce thoughts!

[dixiegal]

Alamogirl-

Im so sorry. Are yall stilling talking to each other? Does he has OW?

Im here for ya...

[*KS*Chick*]

There is also a community forum, but the posters are not helpful and friendly like on these boards. If you post a question on the "Men with MLC" boards, they get very defensive that you're asking a question on that particular board. The board is actually for males going through MLC, so they are on edge. I think they are also experiencing PMS as well .

This cracked me up - LOL

middle aged men with PMS - I love it!

[JR2007]

I figure if you can fall in love with them the first time, you can rekindle and fall in love again.

\

I like the sound of that, now I just need a magic wand to make W believe it.

Put me down for one of those magic wands please.

[dixiegal]

Okay so heres the deal now....H is off on Tues/Wednes. Has been coming over on one of those days if not both. Sunday he says that his brother is coming into town to spend time w/him and Mother..playing golf for the day. But, he will come over on Wednes. No problem.

I decide I will try again and focus. So, moved around my schedule and got 2 good tickets to Baseball game from work. Tuesday afternoon H calls and says Brother has decided to stay another day and wants them to spend a Brother Day on Wednesday. He could come by for a few hours on Thursday Morning before his shift at the Casino. I got so mad because, I felt like thats what he use to always do..make plans..change it up.... plus I felt like everytime I try it leads to disappointment.

So, I have not heard from his since then. Which is out of his pattern of things he calls me everyday. So, now Im wondering whats he really up to? Back to the old ways? Trust is not there ya know?!

Any advice on this one?