Should I stay or should I go now?

[cat03]

listen hon, after years of the kind of behavior he complained about, there is no way he will believe you now, it even made my H madder that after he left *then* I decided to change, he either thought it was a trick to get him back, that I was putting up a front, that it wouldn't last.

You can tell him you've changed 'til you are blue, but he wont' buy it, time has engraved a bad pict of you in his mind, and only months of showing him you truly are a different person will show him you truly mended your ways.

I too was nagging, would belittle my H, didnt' respect him nor put him as my priority. I always loved him, but our M wasnt' what it should've been.

You MUST acknowledge his feelings, tell him that you understand he needs some space and time, that you are willing to give him that. I want you to read "the proper care and feeding of husbands", you will see how many Ws push their H's into this kind of desperate behavior, it will open up your eyes to many things.

My H left and came back after 8 mths, we've been together for a year, and even now he still is a bit weary of me, still has some ideas in the back of his head about me. Only time and my commitment will show him that I dont' ever want to be that awful person I was.

As for the home, do not make any big desicions now, buying a home w/your mom is pretty much telling him you've moved on and dont' want him back if she were to live w/you. Take it one day at a time.
The silent treatment wont work either, in Divorce Remedy "going dark" means to cut all contact with the S. But that's a last resort, when things are terribly toxic or abusive. That's not your case. You must stop all sorts of sarcasm, baiting "if I do this then he'll just have to do...". You must be free of all manipulation.

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I told him that he shouldn't continue the MC if he doesn't think that there is any hope of working things out
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you must stop this too, you are pushing him and it is another form of manipulation. How would've you felt if he woulv'e said "ok then, we are done" Do NOT say things you dont' mean. Give him extra credit for coming to MC. If he is working too hard he is trying to bury his hurt and keep himself busy as to not see the failure in the M.

You must stop expecting your H to act and do certain things. That's one thing that brought down my M, my micromanaging, tellign him what to do, telling him he was wrong when he told me how bad he felt about certain things. LEAVE him alone. Do not call him all the time, do not bring up R talk, give him some breathing room.

A good read is also "For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men". Always be that pleasant good person he could come home to, do not be pushy nor have too many expectations from him, he is also hurt.