Needed: A Big Dose of Reality

[RedHeadWife]

Ok, guys, please slap me upside the head. I need to get rid of all the negative thinking, but I just can't seem to get there b/c I don't feel like I'm getting anything in return for all of my efforts.

H is now deployed for a year. He will be home for a month, but that's not until Dec. Then the backside of the year will be pretty short.

I have been sending emails daily w/ pics of the boys and sending cards in the mail about 2 a week, some of them before he even left -- he had our anniversary card on our anniversary which was Monday to open on that day (mine's still in the mail).

I did send a "what I would like to be doing to you right now" email last night and he reacted very positively to it this a.m. when I talked to him. Said his mouth dropped to the floor and now he's having a hard time concentrating b/c he keeps thinking about x, y & z from my email.

Ok, so here's my issue: I don't feel like he's putting any effort into trying to make me feel loved, secure, etc. after all that has happened (D bomb, EA, etc.) and now w/ him being gone. He doesn't email me. Just reads my emails and doesn't respond as most of it is just catching him up on everything that's going on, not necessarily questions for him to answer. He calls maybe once a day and that's it. He has a local phone # through Vonage so it's no big deal to call. He could call me at work just to say hi when he gets off work (big time difference), but doesn't do anything like that.

So am I being overly sensitive and do what I keep telling myself to do: stay positive and worry about what I'm doing for him and hopefully one day he will reciprocate. Realize that it's different for him over there and who knows what he is doing, etc. and is probably just trying to keep himself busy so he isn't homesick, etc.?

I know this may sound like a bunch of whining, but I'm really having a hard time w/ all of this. I'm still so insecure about the EA, D bomb, etc. I'm still reeling from all of it and now am trying to continue to DB and work on our R long distance, but I'm not really getting any feedback from him. When we do talk on the phone, he says he loves me, misses me and his tone of voice is loving, etc., but like I said I get maybe one phone call a day.

What are your thoughts as outsiders? Am I really just being overly sensitive?