I don't think I am getting bitter. I used to be such a happy, friendly person all the time and I miss the old me. I think I did have "that light within me" as in your sig. (At least that is what my friends have said.)
I miss my old life and how I could think about little problems because I didn't have any big ones. I have been reading a book called "Getting Your Life Back" which is a book on depression. It is very helpful in realizing how your thoughts affect your mood. There is an excellent example of a woman with an H who walked out in this book. It shows what dialogue she has in her mind and I swear I could have written it. I need to overcome this depression.
I have been thinking about the whole single mother sitch and how unfair it is that H's get to do only fun things with the kids while we do all the work. I decided to try my hardest to get everything done in the evening by 9pm so that 9-10 can be family time. The kids are still young enough that they want to spend time with me and we plan on either playing a game, watching a video, or reading together during family time. I also want to do more on my weekends with them.
On the positive side, I am finally able to get some actual work done at work.
On the negative side, I got a good L recommendation but have been too afraid to actually call her. (I asked my uncle who is a judge.) It is so scary to face the reality of what a D means. I plan to call sometime this week and spend some time getting copies of all our financial papers.
In some respects, I wonder if we are all stuck in denial on this BB. Everyone else says "D him." After talking to the L, I can decide what I want to do. I plan on at least waiting until the end of June and then seeing how H is acting at that time. It is my decision and I need to feel comfortable with it.
I have also been listening to the Rush song "Driven". I definitely feel like "It is my turn to drive." I need to take control of my life and stop letting H drive. I want to GAL and make my life be what I want it to be.
Here is a short list of my goals: Gain my weight back Spend quality time with the kids Be productive again at work Build up stamina so I can go on bike rides and join the bike club Go to the Y more More walks in the woods with the kids Plan to go out with friends more on H's weekends with the kids instead of just doing housework and grocery shopping Read novels again Plan a vacation with me and kids
Me45 H45 D13 S10 together-23 years married-21 years MLC Divorced 10/3/07 Married to a wonderful new man.
