OT, after your comment I reread my post, and saw how it could be interpreted. Thanks. so I wanted to edit my previous remarks
Once you determine IN YOUR MIND, that there is a EA, That is the time to confront her. That is the FIRST boundary.
Once you have exposed it, then you no longer acknowledge or allow his existance in your sphere of influence. Everytime you see evidence of it, you matter of factly condemn it. Then you move on and continuing doing what you want to do. If she brings it/him up against your stated boundary, you remove yourself from its presence no matter what it takes, without reactivity. It cannot affect your PMA.
Currently that sphere of influence does not include your W. You cannot tell her what to do, because in her mind, you allready put her out of it with your indifferance.
I liked taking the kids to the gym. I would do that again, but do it so that you are picking her up to go have ice cream/lunch or whatever with the kids.
