This detaching is just not easy for me!!!! Now I'm angry about H's lack of consideration for F16. All week she has been talking about doing something with her dad and grandmother for Mother's Day. I still hadn't heard plans, but knew BIL and SIL were taking GM to church and then to breakfast. I ended up calling H this morning not knowing if they were going to join the others for breakfast or do something later in the day. (D16 is not an early riser normally so wanted her to be ready. However, if they weren't going to breakfast I was going to let her sleep since she wasn't feeling good last night).
H sounded like I was crazy. What plans??? I explained that D16 thought they had made plans earlier in the week and was counting on seeing her GM.I said I could easily take her over there. H ended up saying he would be over later. GGGGRRR.
I am mad at myself for calling him when I vowed I wouldn't! I was trying to smooth things between H and D16 when I should have just let them figure it out themselves. I should have asked H to call before he comes because now I'll be on edge until he comes. I thought about leaving the house, but I'm actually getting some decluttering done and hate to stop progress.
D16 is taking me to a movie later. We'll have a happy Mother's Day no matter what!!!!!
Cruddy day! Ok to vent??? H did end up having breakfast with his mother. He came here, but didn't take D16 to see her grandmother. He stayed at the house while D16 and I went to a movie (She asked him to come along, but he declined). He was gone when we got back, but ended up coming back later.....D16 asked him to watch a dvd with her. At least he came through for her.
I was friendly and bubbly around him. I said he was lucky he had another week of vacation and I said I was glad he didn't look as sad today (last time I saw him he was pretty pathetic looking). Wrong thing to say!!! His response, "NO!, I don't want to talk about us. Not on Mother's Day!". I wasn't trying to start a R talk. Now I'm trying hard not to read into what THAT means! He left with a quick hug and said, "I'll call you tomorrow".
Not seeing or not talking to him makes me sad and lonely, but seeing him seems to be even worse!!!!
I am beginning to realize that you can't figure out what they are thinking or why they are doing and acting the way they are. You are doing good to detach and go do things with your D. My boys are good about doing things with me. They talk to their dad but they rely on me more. It makes it tough but we just have to be strong and detach and turn loose as much as we can. I feel like he wants to be best friends and rely on me but then go to her because she must make him feel more important.
We just have to stay busy and GAL and find out who we really are..
Hang in there. The support is here...You are being so strong for you and your D. You will make it.....
H came over for dinner last night and to watch a favorite tv show (my invitation). During a commercial he handed me 2 hand written pages with his suggestion on a division of our assets and said he thought we would never get better so should just split.
I managed to not cry (just a bit teary eyed) and told him how disappointed I was that he was willing to throw away our marriage without a real try to fix things. What happened to his plan to date me? What happened to our fun summer on the boat? I suggested a longer separation since it has been less than a month but he didn't think that was a good idea. I also said I wasn't prepared to talk financial stuff.
So, now I need to get busy and embrace my uncertainty! UGH!!!
