I meant my post to BF to be a bit tongue in cheek, though perhaps I'm a bit too jaded to pull that off. If I'm projecting resentment it's really just a thin mask over a thicker layer of guilt over a deep layer of confusion. I was trying to communicate that I think BF will make a good husband some day as soon as he encounters the sort of strong-willed, yet vulnerable, vixen such as is found in romance novels - lol
My confusion is due to the fact that I KNOW that my cow is to blame for my half of the dysfunction in my relationship for which I feel guilty but I can't figure out how to get rid of her. NOP has said things to me like "You need a hero, not a boy" but I behave in a manner that defeats this and I don't know why. My problem is that you could present me with the most macho, hard*zz guy on the planet and I (or really the cow part of me)would instantly, spontaneously, subconsciously start scanning him for boyish vulnerability. Although, I guess I have made some progress because at least I catch myself doing it now. Also, that's why I've been advising the HDW on the BB to be more b*tchy. What I really mean is that they should be more selfish and therefore less self-protecting. However, like I said, I'm still confused myself but I'm learning some stuff by observing my interactions with the men I've been dating with some of the self-awareness I've gained on this BB.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
