((((Lost)))) I'm so sorry what's going on with your life. He is not thinking clearly by any means. You are not a stage to be his "best friend" the wounds are too deep. It may happen later or it may happen never. Do not let him gulit you into thinking that you are not mature enough to be an adult and handle this. This all too fresh, take time to mourn. Take care of yourself and the children. It's not about him right now.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
my h came over tonight and we started to argue and i told him that he needed to leave and he said no we need to talk. then we started to talk and somehow it went to now. i started getting upset and told him that he needed to leave and went to put something up in the bedroom. he followed and cornered me. he kept wanting to wrap his arms around me and hold me. i told him no that i did not want him to touch me that i am hurting right now.i feel like throwing up when he touches me. he has hurt me more than anyone ever could. i am moving on with my life. i have to try to find happy things to think about but any happy memories that i think about contain him and they are not so happy anymore. he was my best friend, lover, and husband and i have to face that big bed alone every night. i finally got away from him a went into my son's room and shut the door and he left. if i knew that he would come back to me then i would let him comfort me but he doesn't. we are not even divorced and he is already talking about marriage to the ow. (and today is the day that him and the ow is moving in together)i am so tired of hearing i am so sorry from him. i feel like if he was so sorry then he would leave her and come work on our marriage. i feel so stupid for letting him know how much he has hurt me and that i am still hurting.
me-30 h-38 m-11 yrs s-6 s-7 ss-13 h left-april 21,2007 found out of ea april 1, 2007
my h came over tonight and we started to argue and i told him that he needed to leave and he said no we need to talk. then we started to talk and somehow it went to now. i started getting upset and told him that he needed to leave and went to put something up in the bedroom. he followed and cornered me. he kept wanting to wrap his arms around me and hold me. i told him no that i did not want him to touch me that i am hurting right now.i feel like throwing up when he touches me. he has hurt me more than anyone ever could. i am moving on with my life. i have to try to find happy things to think about but any happy memories that i think about contain him and they are not so happy anymore. he was my best friend, lover, and husband and i have to face that big bed alone every night. i finally got away from him a went into my son's room and shut the door and he left. if i knew that he would come back to me then i would let him comfort me but he doesn't. we are not even divorced and he is already talking about marriage to the ow. (and today is the day that him and the ow is moving in together)i am so tired of hearing i am so sorry from him. i feel like if he was so sorry then he would leave her and come work on our marriage. i feel so stupid for letting him know how much he has hurt me and that i am still hurting.
me-30 h-38 m-11 yrs s-6 s-7 ss-13 h left-april 21,2007 found out of ea april 1, 2007
It’s such a weird world. In yours you husband seems confused and not sure what he wants. He seems to still have some feeling for you. In MINE my W if she does have feeling won’t let herself show them. That’s how I feel anyway. She won’t come right out and say “I hate you” on the other hand I can’t touch her. I slipped a little and tried to give her a little good bye kiss before I left Saturday night. She didn’t turn away but just sat there it was like kissing a mannequin.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
ouch! i know that had to hurt.husband,i feel for you. at least your w isnt living with the om my h is moving in with the ow today and has told me that he wants a d but wants it to be civil. the problem is that i still love my h and it hurts so much i just want the pain to go away. a fear that i have is that i will get a d from my h and never be able to find someone else that i could see myself falling in love with bc i am still in love with my h. isnt that sad? sometimes i wish my h would kiss me but at the same time i dont think i could deal with the emotions of it.
me-30 h-38 m-11 yrs s-6 s-7 ss-13 h left-april 21,2007 found out of ea april 1, 2007
my h has got to be the biggest jerk there is. i asked him when he was going to get a lawyer since he wants this d so bad. he told me that he did not have the money for one. well my aunt had told me that she would help me with a lawyer if i needed the help. well my h said well we are doing this civil so we will work out the terms together give the lawyer the paperwork and my aunt can pay for it. please tell me he is joking. it is one thing for my aunt to help with a lawyer bc i have to fight my h in court to protect the kids and myself.but i am not just going to let her pay for it bc my h doesn't want to. what in the h*** is going on with him. i can not even believe that he even suggested that. the nerve of him. just when i think he can not be a bigger jerk he suprises me.
me-30 h-38 m-11 yrs s-6 s-7 ss-13 h left-april 21,2007 found out of ea april 1, 2007
I’m not that far along yet and hope I don’t get there but……If I were paying for a lawyer that lawyer wound be working for ME. My lawyer would be working for my best interest not necessarily an “equal” interest.
But that is just me...
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
well thats just it my h is only thinking about his intrest and right now he is being nice but what i worry is after the d that he wont care at all about me and the boys bc he got his way. everytime he doesn't get his way he tells me that he did the right thing leaving me and he is going to move on w/ his life w/ow and be happy.
me-30 h-38 m-11 yrs s-6 s-7 ss-13 h left-april 21,2007 found out of ea april 1, 2007
You need to stop worrying about your H and OW (easier said than done). Start working on you and taking care of your kids. Get a Lawyer for YOU and only YOU. Sounds like your H just wants things as rosey as possible to make it the easist D on him. You need to protect yourself first! He needs to come out of this fog and at the speed they have moved it should not take that long. Once they are together and the sneakiness and forbidden times are no longer so enticing - they will come to see they are just another textbook A like the rest of them. You cannot control this timeline.
Search on detachment on these boards - there are some great paragraphs on it (look up Grasshopper) and print them are read them when you feel you are losing it...
Keep up the little contact with H as possible. Keep posting here we are here to help. Foremost protect yourself and your kids!
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
