jethro,

I must say that I totally understand how you feel!!! totaly. while I was preg with our second child shortly after moving into our first real home (we built it!!! well not us but it was built for us) me while entertaining his family at our home all summer while big and pregnant him playing horshoes in the yard etc. the occasional (and I do mean occasional) trip down the trail in our back yard with son (yeah big prego me wabbling along a woody trail for qt with my family) to throw rocks in the pond, giving birth to my dd, going apple picking as a family the day before dd's christening it all meant NOTHING!!! well maybe it meant nothing or maybe ow or in your case om really meant nothing (they were filling some void we didn't know existed in our s) and that is why they were still with us.

the pain cannot be erased cannot be forgotten it will creap up from time to time it but we have a choice as to what we want to do with it. We can deal with it or we can run from it. I think in both our cases jethro the a's our s's had were not out of blatant disrepspect for us or to hurt us or from some mental blockage that made them do it. they were in pain can we relate to that pain?? I don't know. can they relate to our pain?? I don't know. but I think it is something we must face.
you can only keep these feelings inside for so long jethro, no you cannot throw them at w when ever they come to you, but it is important to let her know you are hurting. think about it are you angry or are you angry because you hurt .

we can get through this jethro the alternative is far more painful for everyone not just the kids. trust me on that, I am the child of a d and not only does it effect me but I get to see and hear the effects it still (5+ years later) has on my parents.

sometimes I feel like quiting too, like it would just be easier to run away from this pain "they" have caused, but I know that pain will never go away unless I give it a chance to heal.

You are not alone!!!

{{{{{{{{{{{{jethro}}}}}}}}}}}}}}


LL