Whore/Madonna

[Heywyre]

Yes, I can see where you are coming from Lou and I totally understand. I came from a pretty rigid family and NEVER EVER talked about sex - God forbid!!

So, I still have my hangups about what I will and won't do, but I guess fortunately for me, H is a country bumpkin at heart and even when we get this whole M/W thing straightened out, I don't imagine he will be requesting sex hanging from the chandelier - lol

[Greeneyedlass]

Lou,

Try understanding an H who says he likes to cuddle yet NEVER EVER gets an erection from that. Mine doesn't ever even find the need to roll away from me (and I can only imagine how painful it is for Heywyre to endure her H turning away from her when he gets one)...and he is fully functioning. There is no need for Viagra or Cialis...he can get and maintain an erection, but he doesn't ever get them with me unless we are working to achieve one. THAT is a HUGE blow to a woman's ego! I've managed to at least find some peace with that now that I understand where his mind is coming from when it comes to sex...and he's working to get past it.

[Heywyre]

THAT is a HUGE blow to a woman's ego!

Amen Sister!! All these years I kept thinking it was me, and doing whatever I could to entice him, all the time not realizing I was pusing him further and further away. If there was something worth trying, I tried it - all to no avail

But, like you GEL, I at least now understand where he is coming from and it makes life a whole heck of a lot easier for sure. I also can't believe how quickly it has boosted my ego, now knowing it has nothing to do with me.

[OG_Lou]

I also can't believe how quickly it has boosted my ego, now knowing it has nothing to do with me.
Good for you HW. I can hear the relief in your posts.

GEL H who says he likes to cuddle yet NEVER EVER gets an erection from that. Mine doesn't ever even find the need to roll away from me [/v]
Ouch. Prior to this forum, I only heard about ED in older guys.

[b] I understand where his mind is coming from when it comes to sex...and he's working to get past it.

Here the tables are turned sometimes. Women that beg for sex and intimacy/desire from thier main squeeze and guys that are not interested.

Then there are the commoner situations, guys like me and HD, et all (and never had affairs) that want sex but get turned away or ridiculed. or might have the a female version of W/M, type women for a W.

I tell you, life isn't fair. Guess I better look at more Byron Katie video clips.

Lou

[Greeneyedlass]

Cog,

No disrespect intended, but you have NO idea what I've tried, or what work I've done on myself or our marriage. You may have wanted those women AFTER you broke up, but that's the key...you weren't with them THEN, you were no longer in an R with them.

[Greeneyedlass]

Lou,

That's just it, it's not ED. I have LITERALLY never once seen my H with an erection that I did not manually create. No morning wood, never in the middle of the night when he's sleeping, NEVER. I cannot tell you how difficult that was for me to become accustomed to. I cannot tell you how much I'd love to have him snuggle up to me in the morning or in the middle of the night and poke me in the back LOL. I'd probably tear-up from happiness if that happened.

[Heywyre]

I cannot tell you how much I'd love to have him snuggle up to me in the morning or in the middle of the night and poke me in the back LOL

As much as I had to laugh when I read that, it actually isn't very funny at all is it? I remember the first time my H actually did cuddle me in the morning and I felt the "poke" - I was like a child on Christmas morning I was so excited. But that excitement was soon to be deflated when I cuddled in closer and INSTANTLY he had to go to the bathroom, just to come back without the soldier, turn the other way and go back to sleep.

[Heywyre]

GEL - when you were dealing with this complex with your MC did they specialize in Emotionally Focused Therapy - because this ST I am thinking about going to does. Do you know about it?

[COG]

GEL,

Well I was gonna come back and pull rank with you but I see that you've been on this board almost as long as I have.

Hey, I'm sorry for being insensitive about this. Part of me just doesn't agree with putting all the eggs in one basket so to speak. Doesn't believe it's ever only one persons problem. "I'm OK, my S is messed up; therefore I can relax and fix their ass" just does'nt sit well in part of my heart.

On the other hand, I can relate to what you're saying. It takes a lot of stress off when we step back and realize that it's really not my problem. I'm OK, and my S has the problem. And that's probably very true in both of your cases. But I just want to remind you gal's that it's still real important for you both to contemplate what YOU both can do to improve your sitch's, and not just put all the blame and responsibility on your H's.

And you are right. I have no friggin idea what M/W complex or whatever is, and I certainly don't have it, and I wish your H's did'nt have it, and I hope they get the hell through with it so they can get up to business.

Love,

COG

[COG]

I cannot tell you how much I'd love to have him snuggle up to me in the morning or in the middle of the night and poke me in the back LOL. I'd probably tear-up from happiness if that happened.

I think my W would jump right out of bed if that happened in our bed. Probably go get a broom to kill it or something. It's amazing how sitchs can be so different.

COG