jethro, everything you are feeling is normal. it is excellent that you come here and rant. i don't think forgiveness happens all at once, at least not for me. my h stopped his a 11 monthes ago, and there are still days i look at him in disgust. even though he has really been working on himself and us since he ended it.
i think back to all the lies and stuff we did together(buying a house!) while he was having his first a and it seems like i wasted so much love and time on this guy. but loving someone is never a waste.
your w probably finds it easier to focus on you and your positive changes. she may feel a lot of shame and is not able to be comfortable in her skin.
don't be too hard on yourself if you can not forgive just yet... i am still working on it. it is a process for me. and yes it seems so unfair that we have to swollow our pain and be little happy pants people all the time, but it is only when we are not giving them anything to react against that they can reflect on themselves. yes it sucks. you will be ok. if you are staying for the children at the moment, then accept it, make it as positive an experience as it can be and maybe your feelings will change. thank God feelings change, right! lisa
