If, on the other hand, they separate with the full understanding that there may be others, I again have no problems with either of them dating
This is all great and fine, however, just because they agreed, doesn't mean each of them are not going into other peoples' lives with a whole heck of a lot of baggage - and I would say that is definitely NOT a good thing!
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
This is all great and fine, however, just because they agreed, doesn't mean each of them are not going into other peoples' lives with a whole heck of a lot of baggage - and I would say that is definitely NOT a good thing!
That would be the choice of the person who decides to date them ... or decides not to.
Does the person that decides to date them REALLY know what they are getting themselves in to? Come on. Most people don't exactly say "oh yes, I would love to go out with you but before I do, I am recently separated and have a LOT of baggage to sort out".
They usually find out when it is much too late
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Thank you. I have no disagreements with any of what you said. Im pretty much completely in alignment with that train of thought and have said the same myself. As far as LFL was concerned, I never considered what she did an A. She was open and honest, he was gone and he basically shrugged at it initially. I was pretty ruff on her while she was flip flopping when she came here. If your gonna have waffling emotions, this is the place to do it. I know I did. That said, it still left a specter.
Does the person that decides to date them REALLY know what they are getting themselves in to? Come on. Most people don't exactly say "oh yes, I would love to go out with you but before I do, I am recently separated and have a LOT of baggage to sort out".
They usually find out when it is much too late
You can't protect people from making those choices. It's part of life. An adult who decides to date a seperated person (or divorced person, or unmarried parent, or whatnot) can reasonably be expected to know there may be complications, and there almost certainly will be baggage.
As long as everyone in the scenario knows exactly what is going on, and has agreed to it, I am quite content.
But that is what I am saying - most people that are separated, divorced etc. don't know themselves half the time they are dealing with baggage so how can they "warn" others?
And, in all due fairness to the innocent victims out there, the vast majority of "daters" don't tell you anything at all initially.
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Thank you. I have no disagreements with any of what you said. Im pretty much completely in alignment with that train of thought and have said the same myself. As far as LFL was concerned, I never considered what she did an A. She was open and honest, he was gone and he basically shrugged at it initially. I was pretty ruff on her while she was flip flopping when she came here. If your gonna have waffling emotions, this is the place to do it. I know I did. That said, it still left a specter.
But that is what I am saying - most people that are separated, divorced etc. don't know themselves half the time they are dealing with baggage so how can they "warn" others?
And, in all due fairness to the innocent victims out there, the vast majority of "daters" don't tell you anything at all initially.
Our proposed "reasonable adult" in the dating world can still be expected to know that recently seperated/ newly divorced = likelyhood of complications/baggage.
As for someone who does not disclose to a date that they seperated, say, a week ago, I have already stated that I consider it wrong.
EDIT: in the interest of full disclosure, it's pointless to debate this with me. I've thought long and hard about it, it is my position, and you won't convince me otherwise. But that does not mean you can't disagree! So please feel free to do so, and we can both take our respective positions and have coffee.
