The fear has settled in the pit of my stomach but I'm doing okay.
My father was moved to the ICU because of sepsis( blood infection) from a line. This means a 4 week course of another antibiotic. Paradoxically, he appears to be fighting off the pneumonia and has had more periods of lucidity.
My father has said many times that the health care in Florida is better for the elderly than in NY, and I agree. They are so much more aggressive with the elderly.
I have continued with the reflecting...I see how much I tried to be like my father, and in doing so I emulated not only his wonderful qualities, but some of the negative ones as well. A champion of women's rights, he was a self admitted chauvinist at home. He had a condescending attitude toward my mother and would belittle her in his way. And she would pull some move in a P/A way to even the score. I can better observe ow I acted in much the same way in my own marriage and I am straightening that part out. There's more respect and more balance, and my H has been doing his part as well. Really incredible, and I don't think I would have seen so much without highlighting all these interactions on this board and reading and observing other situations, especially as it pertains to sexuality.
My desire has fallen off, not just from this episode with my father, but because the crazy drama is gone. My H has come forward to keep our sex life regular and interesting...and so loving. It has NEVER been like this.
I am still struggling with his betrayals of me, but I try to keep in mind the way in which he must have felt betrayed, and I move on. It's a work in progress.
I'm heading for Florida on Sunday...just getting things in order here with the kids and I am off.
