I am a DOER, at least once I set my mind to something. I'm now in "fight for my marriage, and for my family" mode, and all I'm allowed to do is "go easy".... "little touches" .... etc.? I have to caution against "leaning into her psychologically," or she'll pull away?
I honestly don't know if I can do that.
The strangest thing is, I re-read her two e-mails to me from this morning, and not one word of them had changed (obviously), but yet now as I read them, the same passages that I interpreted as "loving" and good, now sound ominous to me:
Quote:
Unfortunately, I think we let this go too long this time, and it has caused damage that I don't know can be repaired. I haven't said anything because I don't want to upset the kids, and you know they are my world and that is the last thing I want to do. I also didn't want to upset you. But, I guess you could see it on my face. I'm sorry that I didn't come to you sooner to try to talk things out, but I guess I was scared to open a can of worms. Honestly I didn't think I was prepared for whatever consequences there might be for telling each other how we truly felt.
Now, as I read that, I read it as:
Choc., I really care for you, and you're a great guy, and I've been afraid to tell you how I really feel -- that "I love you but I'm not IN love with you," and I know that's going to kill you, and I know I've hurt you so much already, and I feel horrible about that, and I just can't do that to you now, and I've been afraid that if I DO, the marriage will be over, and I'll be responsible for tearing it apart, so I'll just keep quiet and not tell you what's hidden in my heart.
