Hey everybody. Feelin' kind of wierd today. This whole thing is so surreal. I feel kind of crappy, but not too bad, believe it or not. My wife called me this morning asking how I was doing. I told her fine, then asked her. She said, "Well, it's not every day that you wake up in the morning and call an old lover with your H standing there." She sounded pretty good, but why did she have to say, "lover."
Quoting Abby:Just back off for awhile on the OM, A, and M. Let her breath a little.
Well, Abby, I had meant to do that yesterday, but the conversation just happened (it started because she was asking what my friend thought, whom I went out to have a beer with and spilled the beans). I plan on taking a break, however. This situation is making me tired. If anything, "I" need to regroup. Overall, though, our talk last night was productive.
Quoting Bob:BTW Jethro - what are doing for yourself today?
Well, Bob, I have Yoga on Tuesdays. I'm looking forward to it... I need some meditative grounding right now.
Quoting KAW:I can't say that I had a defining moment in which I could say, "Now I forgive you.", but with each passing day, I gained a little more acceptance to be able to forgive. I'm sorry if I seem vague here, but I'm having some difficulty finding the words to express some of this right now. I might have to find some time this week to start a new thread to sort some of this out myself.
Don't think the chicken/egg thing applies here as in one follows the other ... rather that forgiveness is one ingredient of healing process as a whole ... when it comes in is not so important as knowing you are working on it. It does come slowly and last night, You took a step closer.
This helps me put things into perspective, KAW. I know I have some poignant questions that just might not be able to answered (especially since you are still healing), but I really appreciate your perspective on things. You answer my inquiries quite well, actually. My profession is that of an analyst, so I tend to pick things apart and look at things from many points of view. Of course, this is how I figured out about my W's A...all the little clues over the year bundled together. Notice anal-yst. I'm trying to work on the first four letters.
Quoting KAW:BY nurturing the R, then her feelings would blossom and she would be wearing rose colored glass when looking back through out the years. This is still possible in the future.
I truly hope so, KAW. Like I previously posted, she did tell me last night that "sometimes I think we were meant to be together." This speaks volumes that she would actually verbalize this. I'll hold onto that thought and keep at it!
Quoting Floyd:Release that anger buddy.
Owen, I'm really not all that angry anymore, believe it or not. I simply wanted to make it clear to the OM to back off. You see, my W told me previously that he felt badly about what they did (doesn't excuse it), so I was having her engage him on this premise. In retrospect, maybe I should not have done this, but I wanted to provide closure for him. I know, kind of wierd, and it's hard to explain.
Quoting Floyd:Is there anything you can think of that makes you extremely happy?
Yes, Owen--to have a fantasy of a time machine that I could use to go back in time to change some of the destructive patterns I've helped create in my M. But seriously, I have hobbies that I enjoy (woodworking, reading/writing, playing guitar and recording music), I work out, and have Yoga. There are many things that I like to do. Tonight, it's Yoga.
Overall, guys, I'm still feeling pretty good...albeit wierd. Oh well, one day at at time. At least I have my W at home committed to working things out. Right?
