LFF – I’ve been where you are. Decided life is short, and looked at my needs and weighed them against the needs of many others. And in the years that followed, I’ve learned that it is true. Life is short, and, if there are kids involved, you only get one perfect throw. If you mess it up, that’s that. There are no do-overs. Because your life will be forever complicated. Step parent issues (and they’ll come). Half siblings (and they’ll also come). Grandparents, Stepgrandparents and Stepgreatgrandparents. There will war and peace, hurt feelings and make-ups, drama, changing and shifting allegiances, your kids wondering if H loves his new children better; his new children both excited and resentful of the periodical intrusion upon their family (it’s possible to be both). Stepparents both supportive and resentful, if you’re lucky (it’s possible to be both). Mundane things from college funds to inheritance, to who-spends-what-holiday-where and what did who get whom and what does it say about how they feel. No matter how civilly you co-parent, it will come up.
In the midst of all that, there may, if you are lucky, be you, with that one person you’re feeling deeply connected to and having great sex with. Who will also most likely have his own drama to add into the mix.
I’m not judging you, at all. How could I. I don’t think OM is a bad person, nor do I even think it was an affair – to me, a legally separated person may date, and I don’t care a whit if I’m in the minority here. But do take a hard look at what I wrote, and make an informed decision. Your perfect throw is already broken … I’m not sure who broke it. Your husband by moving out? Both of you? It doesn’t really matter. But your kids’ throw is still in the air.
I'm not saying "sacrifice yourself for your kids", by the way. I'm only saying that, no matter what you chose, you'll never get that perfect throw back. Every choice you make will be a compromise. Chose one, and let their ball drop, or not.
