I know KAW will have a better answer for you but thought I'd chime in with my 2cents anyway.
I have not been at this long as h has only been working his way home now for 3 months. but I can tell you this. h has in that three months only actually said the words 3 times and I only think the first time was totaly heartfelt. (and that was before he "actually" came home but was still in "physical" transition from appartment (wish that damn place would go away now but I digress) I don't care for the fact that h doesn't say the words but have to remind myself that they are merely words. actions are what we really need. Imagine if your w told you each day I love you jethro! but was cold and distant toward you. would it help to hear the words?
I understand the back and forth feelings you are dealing with. I've dealt with them too. think I still am dealing with them but they have slowed and h is now home each night instead of hiding in his appartment.
understand and accept that even the best of marriages have good days and bad days. hopefully with time the good outweigh the bad but there will always be both.
