Vacillations of a WAW Come Home

[jethro]

LL, RJJ, Hoping, Abby, and Jim...thanks for your insights... Yes it's been an interesting couple of days, but I'm feeling like I'm not stuck in a rut anymore (at least, as much of a rut).

that all can be well but at times you feel like it may be easier for you to run?

I know this is not easy, but that is why we are here to let you know that you can do it and that you are certainly not alone in what you are going through!

Yes, sometimes it seems much easier to run. But how could I live with myself doing this to my kids? And believe me, LL, I'm so very thankful I have everyone here to offer support. Don't know what I'd do without it...

Anyway, in this post, you talked about "your" song coming on, and you sat in the garage, looked at each other and kissed. Pay more attention to these things than you do to what she says when she's in alien-mode. It would be hard for her to pretend that your song means a lot to her if it didn't.

Thanks, RJJ. I'll try and remember the good stuff when she's a flailing alien. I find that I can detach a bit better these days (at least, as of yesterday). It was wierd...I kind of got my head straight when she started going hard core alien on me. I found comfort in that...

Before he left and we drove by the little house we lived in when we were first married, I said "remember that little green house?" and he said "no." Nice, huh?

You are on a hugh roller coaster...give her the space..whatever that may end up being.

Thanks for coming by, hoping. I appreciate the visit. Agreed that I need to give her space--whatever that may be. Yesterday she told me she wanted to go off on a mini vacation by herself, somewhere over night...spend some time by herself. I didn't really say anything, but she asked, "Do you trust me?" Well, I don't really, but I said, "Do I have a choice?" I know, maybe not the best response, but I'm not going to lie and say that I trust her. Jeez...I have no idea how many times I've been lied to over the last year. Countless times to be sure. Oh well, what's done is done...

I thought you were older.

I get that a lot. Not sure what to make of it. Mature or anal retentive?

Her body might be back but her mind is wavering.

Well, her body has always been back. I think you are making reference to my thread title, "...WAW Come Home." She's always been home. I was just speaking figuratively because she's more "mentally" home than she has been in a while. Nonetheless, she has not "come home" as much as I'd like. Patience...

As long as we're talking about "our" songs.

You know, Jim, when you, your bro, and I went out for beers a few weeks ago, I heard the song in the bar...just didn't say anything. If you remember, that was the night I really realized that my W's EA was a PA...she just hadn't fessed up yet.

So, guys, yesterday actually went pretty well. The W was in full alien mode, but I felt very grounded. I almost handle myself better when she distances from me. Go figure. In any case, she wanted to flee, so I did what I could to help her feel more comfortable. She was going to fix dinner, but I offered to do it while she could hide up in our bedroom for a while. When I offered this, she said, "You read my mind." WOW! Chock up one point for jethro.

I was very mellow, gave her the space she needed, etc. It's amazing what can happen when pressure is released. She said to me that she "feels like such a bitch," and that she's "so messed up," etc. She was a little short with the kids and it came out that she feels overwhelmed with having to take care of the kids (notice how it was the kids and I wasn't included...I think this was because I was NOT pressuring and being understanding). This is very important for me to remember.

Take care, guys.

jethro