Piecing, 2 steps forward, one back, or more?

[25yearsmlc]

BND,

(this post is mostly to respond to an email from BND which I cannot now find. But if I recall correctly, it's your oldest daughter that wants to perform? Here's the scoop for now.---)

d18 has a manager and an agent, both of whom prefer she Not go to college so that she can audition/work full time. They also would have preferred she "drop out" of high school and get a GED to save studios the hassle of hiring tutors for minors. Now, d is 18 and IS finishing high school, so soon not an issue.

She has not completely decided which college to attend, but WILL attend. She has narrowed it down to the two favorites (which is nice, since they're the best ones she applied to) and one is nearby in Santa Monica (Loyola University). It overlooks the city of Santa Monica and the ocean and is beautiful, has a strong liberal arts emphasis and has a well known, well connected film school. (I have opinions on UCLA and other schools if you want....but it's too much info for now).

Cal Poly @ San Luis Obispo is her other favorite, with a great rep for manly majors like all kinds of engineering and architecture and a tiny growing theater department....why go there? Because the drama professor there called and pursued D18, making her feel that she would be nurtured and cared for there, although it is 2.5 hours from Hollywood. (Also, I note that guys with engineering/architecture majors are more likely to have jobs, which...well, I just wanted to note...) Amazing what a little pursuit can do for one's self esteem. I do feel she would be happy and safe there. ((I just don't know what the cost would be, of losing the connections/networking you get from being in this area.))

Also, Cal Poly is in San Luis Obispo which is one of the loveliest towns I have ever seen, in the WORLD. ON the central coast of California with colorful bungalows all over the place; I could literally see buying property there. Oh and btw, it costs 1/3 (that's right, .33%!!) of what Loyola costs....

If your d is entering her senior year, you have some trips to make. She'll have to see how she feels when she walks around and talks to people at each school. It is the only way, you cannot choose from the descriptions or rankings alone. And you have to read those rankings carefully--are they saying it's the best ...."out of colleges with PhD programs", ?? etc, and who ranked them and when?

So for my d, both places rock as far as how they look and feel.

I just want her to be happy. She is really good at acting but it's a career FILLED with rejection, no matter how you look or how talented you are. She lost a huge huge stage role recently. She was to play the "young" version of the main character. But the main character/woman cancelled her contract at the last minute, due to a feature film lead offered to her. This left d18 NOT acceptable b/c the "new" main character is shorter than d18, and so, how can d18 play the younger version of the main character, but be taller? Make sense? Has NOTHING to do with how she performed.

I have to watch myself. Sometimes I wonder how much she does this to please me. But assume for the sake of argument that she is talented as I say, or that YOUR daughter is. These are God given talents, aren't they? Aren't they there for a reason? Or am I projecting? Living vicariously?

I've told both of our older kids (s20 is also an actor/student, at NYU) we LOVE that they want to do something artistic and passionate (BBA, you KNOW what I mean). Neither of them has said anything about wanting fame, or celebrity status AT ALL. In fact, it is a distraction when they are with their more "famous" friends. So far, they both care a lot about their work, their believability and performance skills. I believe them.

Some of D18's good friends are well known. Some families I know have made such big sacrifices for their talented kids....but in other cases, I see the stage moms pushing the crap out of the kids, or the kids getting berated by their dads/moms, or the parents fighting about what approach the kid should take in the audition or contract negotiations--OMG---I have a another story there about parents I personally know, who deplete the money their kids earn...only to have the kid/star ask ME to intervene....or have one parent "set aside" some funds for "later projects" and tell their kids and themselves that they are "producers."

BUT there are also some like, Gabrielle Union ("Bring it On", among other things), & Vanessa Hudgens ("High School Musical") who are sweet, & stay in touch, & don't get high or drunk (yet) and really work their butts off. They gave up going to high school "normally" and did independent study and that's a huge sacrifice they've made. THey all had the same acting coach and that's how they met.

Is this at all like what your d wants for herself? I've got some great books for you if you are interested in learning about this.

And if your d wants to come out here and give herself a shot, let me know.
j-