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No one is asking you to trash him but the fact is, he is still the OM and you are defending him more than your own H at this time.

Well..the "at this time" part seems to be the operative words I'd say. Context and all.
I've been on this board since 2005 and have stated over and over that my H is a "good man" and "best friend" and "I love him." I challenge anyone to show me where I have even said a negative or slanderous word about him.
That is NOT the problem. And neither is my defending om. All of my M problems would be present with or without the latest chapter of this LFL story.
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the ones that continue to defend the OP while putting pressure on their spouses to be more than they can be (at the moment) are asking to fail. This is not meant to be a criticism but more an eye opener - your H needs you to be there 110% and I don't think you are. Pretty hard to fix a R when you aren't in the game all the way

Maybe. Likely in fact. But you don't know the whole back story. I've tried to suppress my Self for years and ended up miserable with a H who found me boring, unattractive, and no longer worthy or being M to. So I just have an issue with "giving 110%". What does that even mean when the two people in the M can't be their true Selves. To be the person that makes me happy just seems impossible in this M. I have tried to not feel the way I feel. It just doesn't work. I was not a happy person back then. I don't want to go back to that again. And my H cannot truly be who he says he is if he is in this M either. One of us has to "give" or it just won't work. Who gets to decide that? I've done it his way for the past 14 years and it Still blew up in my face. I want to be the HD emotional sexy woman that I feel I am. I'm happy that way. I am worthy of being that person. I deserve to feel wanted and desired. It's not about Love. We love each other. But it is not always enough. Not for a lifetime. But again, this is my own perspective. I'm glad you have found a way to live that makes you happy. I haven't read your backstory so I'm not sure if that is the case or not. Hope it is for your sake. Thanks for the comments.
LFL