I've lost it. Trying to get S14 to actually sort and choose, and to pack even a little, we had frustration, anger, and I am just past it all.
I left H a phone message, soft but sarcastic, told him I wish he was here to see the anger and the frustration, and to see the effect on his family. Told him I hope he was happy, that I hoped he was getting what he wanted, and that he was proud.
Bad AH. It felt briefly good, now just stupid. Oh well. Not my first stupid act, not my last.
I've been melting down slowly all day. EVen with two walks. I should have seen it coming, and probably should expect far less of S14. I'm just tired of doing it all, going through it, and feeling it all by myself.
I am so angry, and most so, so sad, and feel rejected and like a failure and a loser. Time to release those negative emotions and feel something else. Hah. Easy to say and to know, harder to do.
