My heart has been completely torn apart

[I_Surrender]

I have begun to feel the ups and downs of the situation, which we have to deal with. I started out the day okay, now I am feeling depressed, angry and hurt.

I think to myself, "how can I accept this?" "how can I lower the standards for her, which I have held for myself, all my life?"

I told my wife, yesterday, that when she was pregnant, I was coaching swimming. I had, what seemed like countless girls flirting with me, to the extent where I was put in quite dangerous situations.

I never did anything. I considered that to be abhorrent and colossally disrespectful to her and myself, had I had a relationship with any of those girls. Though I know married men that would not only jump at the chance, but give their left arm to be placed in a situation where young women are literally throwing themselves at the coach.

So again I ask myself how I can change the standards for her, that I choose to live by myself?

I know that there are many of you are in situations, more difficult and complex than mine. I cannot say what I would do given those situations, however I believe ultimately I have to be true to myself.

I had a moment of anger today, where I thought I would email the OM, or "better yet" contact the HR department at their work and get him fired, or begin to put on the heat.

It harkens back to the first EA she was having with another coworker. My daughter, who discovered the email, was going to have "friends" go kick the $h^t out of the OM.

I don't know, I should get some vigorous exercise to burn off these negative emotional feelings. I can understand how easily these situations can turn violent with a bad combination of personality, drugs, alcohol etc.