She asked me to go out over the weekend. When it got time to get dressed and go she way laying down in the bed, naked and said that she was too tired and would it be okay if we were together and stayed home. I said ‘Sure’ but was not my normal ‘Oh Boy lets get together’. It was causal, sort of passionate and fun.
I know she is trying hard. The day after was good. She iniated sex again and I accepted. The rest of the day I spent working on my house while she studied for finals.
Her whole temperament is different… cautious, walking-on-egg-shells, loving. She is scared. On Sunday, she went on and on about herself. She seems to be so depressed and has such a negative attitude about life!
Her favorite pity remark is this “We can split up and you will go on your merry way, your job is good. I will be devastated and have been unemployed for two years, who will hire me!”. My response is usually this “I feel for you, but is this my fault”. She went on and on about the city that we live in and how difficult it is to find a job, plus another 30 minutes of poor pitiful me and why she lost intimacy with me.
I told her that I understand and I was responsible at least 50% with my actions to her. I told her that I am tired of the fighting and will do so no longer on this issue. 8 months is enough!!
After a couple of good days of no fighting and good intimacy she started up again with her financial issues... She said that she did not think it was fair that I had quit paying for her kids extra expenses. I told her that I am still paying for some of these. She also said that you recently got a raise and you decided to put it in your 401k. She did not come out and say it but she was wanting to say ‘Don’t I have a say so in where your money goes?”
I told her that while we are not married then I will control my money and then I said “ Maybe you need to move back to your home and regroup your life.” I was nice about this but a little perturbed that she was playing the famous ‘Guilt’ trip on me. She walked away and later tearfully said "Are you sure about this?". I said "You know how I feel". It was dropped after that.
I know I am not building any trust here! However, I feel my boundaries need to me maintained until my trust is built back up. I can’t believe she is trying to get in my pocketbook when we are not married and having severe issues.
She initiated sex again last night. It was not a passionate type of initiation but a more subtle one. I took her up on it. It was great. I wonder if her willingness for sex now is a last-ditch effort to keep me. I will stay positive but cautious.
I am still waiting to see what happens. Her kids will be out of school by the end of this month. So the clock is ticking.
I think I have put my foot down and she respects me more. She knows she has one foot out the door and it is up to her to straighten up. It has been 8 months and I am tired of waiting!
