An interesting list...and I could probably say somthing detailed about each or many poitns...and have in many posts. But I want to address only a couple.
The most important I feel is Agree/Agree/Agree
This is a confsuion between validation and agreeing. Validate and affirm. That is recognize the truth of feelings and emotions. Emotions are not wrong, so validate them. BUT that in no way means you need to feign agreement...wouldn't that be lieing in many cases?
Sure Sweetheart, I also think we need to divorce.
Try I'm sorry you feel that way. Make that a mantra...you will have plenty of opportunity to use it.
The next is No Arguing & Don't Blow Up Good Luck. In theory, these are excellent pieces of advice. But what happens when you do? Well forgiveness is for yourself also.
But there are appropriate times for venting AT YOUR SPOUSE--not merely here. The tough part is learning when those are...and sorry, but not yet, you both seem to early in the game. But the pressure will build and if done properly it can work as a 180. Often we spend so much time acting nice and friendly that our MLCers think we're fine with the situation. Or we seem so strong that they may interpret us as being emotionless. Anger is not bad, it is real and MLCers do need to see and feel that we are unhappy with the situation and that we have emotions.
The tough part is to balance that without adding guilt to their burden--though some may not seem guilt ridden--they are. They are overburdened with the guilt they are putting on themselves...it's already overwhelming them.
Empathic Excellent. This takes conetration and learning...practice. IT is about learningt o read your spouse and building a spiritual connection--or rebuilding, repairing. This is something you can and will likely be doing in her absence. Read books about intuition, meditation, hypnosis...for guidance.
