You have learned to much through your journey to ever go back to the way it was.
You are right Ben--I appreciate you pointing that out. I need to put my weight into my faith that I will be better off for all this and stop giving my attention to the past and the fears associated with it.
And thank you for your encouragement. You'll never know how much you've helped me through this. And you deserve nothing less than the best as well.
Aud, Just peeling in and glad at what I see...you have done an incredible job through this long ordeal...I only hope for serene skies for you....just chiming I guess...peace
Things are going great on the surface here. H is doing all the right things, helping out, being around. We had a small disagreement over the weekend, and though I doubt the problem is solved, I do feel like we're both communicating better.
Today has been rough though. We met with C, and brought up the biggest underlying issue for me: H's complete lack of remorse or empathy. It was a little bit confrontational, and I felt horrible when it was over.
H tries to put everything back on me, makes ridiculous requests in response to my concerns that he has not addressed any of the changes regarding his employment we agreed to four weeks ago. I know it's his way of deflecting, and that his method of coping with difficult issues is to pretend they don't exist or aren't as big a deal as they really are. But I can't sit by and think that just smoothing everything over is going to fix our M. If he thinks (and he said this out-right) that having affairs isn't a big deal, what is going to keep him from doing it again, the next time he just stops caring about me?
Gah. I know I'm in emotional shock from the C session, but I'm scared that somehow I've messed everything up by insisting we work on our issues. And that statement on the screen before me looks and sounds COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS.
I'm fighting the fear. I'm doing the work to give him the benefit of the doubt. I'm loving him and encouraging him and grateful to have him here with us. So why do I feel like I'm the screw-up when it comes to putting this all back together?
Do you think the joint meeting with the C are doing any good? My W is seing her own C. We had one joint session with mine. I was going to wait so she can have more with hers but I feel we are slowing losing comunication. I know sometimes it is going to be hard to her some things but it's hard living in silence also.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
husband--I honestly can't say yet, as this is only our third time meeting with the C. H is and has always been very opposed to counseling. Right now I'm feeling that it may be too painful. But the logical part of me says that we need to feel some pain before we can heal. Especially him. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm right. I wish I could tell you there's a magic pill to fix everything.
Thanks, I wish I could just detach enough to just go about my business and do the yard work and fix things around the house. But I miss the companion ship. I do have my son but that’s play time. I’m going to work on keeping myself busy and staying away from the W as much as possible. It’s hard when you are living together. (Not sleeping together). I guess it JUST TAKES TIME.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
OK--I've pulled myself together and am going back into detach mode. H has been short with me in the few interactions we've had since the C session earlier today. Ugh, I hate conflict.
H tells you that he thinks As are no big deal. Exactly what is there to give him the benefit of the doubt about? What are you doubting exactly, his own words?
