"My H does not see sex as an enjoyable or good thing."
Lou, this is very similar to my H's perspective as well. My H does enjoy having sex, the act of it...it feels good to him physically, but he was taught it was a dirty/disrespectful thing to do to a woman that he loves...so his mind doesn't let him go there..
The closest thing I can relate to is being in the delivery room and seeing all the trouble a birth can be (the hospital didn't allow it when our kids were born) and me thinking I was part of the cause of the birth pains. Yes, we knew there would be birth pains. We wanted a baby. It's just at those delivery moments I think of the pain BB was in. After the baby is home, the guilt feelings go away.
I did hear one woman in long labor screaming "You SOB" at her H. I am glad I wasn't M to her. That is one time when the thought of having sex not fun or pleasurable.
So seeing sex as not enjoyable or dirty. I can't get there. I did see sex as enjoyable but also worried about some potential negative outcomes sometimes. I wonder if any of the W/M H men have similar, brake applying feelings.
Before we had 2 kids, I thought I would be fine with 4. After 2 kids I was having thoughts like "I hope those BC pills are working 100% because I felt I had my limit of children. I felt BB had her limit. So sometimes sex was enjoyable but also caused anxieties to surface.
Those limit and slight fear of another PG did take some of the fun out of having sex.
For me the best sex was when BB wanted to get PG. It was, "lode up the bases and put the best batter at the plate." HOT! HOT! HOT! Sex!!!!!. Wish I could do it over, minus the pregnancy of course. Grand kids are just fine.
