a man who gave me a huge part of myself that was missing could be killed any day now.
LFL, I don't know the statistics of being killed in combat VS the statistics of being killed in the US for a man of his age.
I was in the Army in the Vietnam era and the death rate state side was similar to the death rate in Vietnam if I can remember correctly.
Guys state-side place themselves is some serious situations under the premise of having fun and being adventurous. Add in the common highway death toll. Maybe the OM isn’t in anymore danger in Iraq than being in the US.
Over there you know someone is out to get you so you prepare and take precautionary steps. At home, you just cruise along and from out of the blue, something smacks you broadside, while you least expect it.
I know it isn't easy being deployed to a combat zone, so not discounting that danger. I am just saying like isn't risk free in the US.
FWIW, my H will step up and do some of the things however I have to most often guide him to do it, or remind him in some manner that it helps me, that I actually like it.
I guess that it would have to be made important enough for him to step up.
I'd be asking him to be someone he is not. And I am quite certain he would say "well, we gave it another shot at least" and that would be that. He would leave. So you are right, I either have to manage my resentment (fat chance) or get out. You made a statement in someone's thread a few days ago that I still think about. You said something like the chances of these M's ever working out is basically zip. That you wouldn't even try. I'm feeling a little defeated here. I really don't think the M is going to change that much at all anymore. We've come as far as we can come. But I don't want it to end. So I stay. But how long can I live like this? It's not just about the sex. Or is it? Am I focusing too much on the sexual issues? Nop, you and MrsNop have a good M. What if the sex issue was never "fixed." What would you do?
Hi, LFL. Quote:"What if the sex issue was never "fixed." What would you do? "
That is a loaded question. I don't know that the two of us are similar enough for a one to one comparison, so what I would do, should not directly apply to you.
That being said; My greatest "emotional need" is sex - connected sex. It is basically my only need from my wife, I can get by without much else. That makes me a bit odd, but it does fit with my sex drive being what it is.
So, in my case, I had come to the point of leaving the marriage if we couldn't address the sexual issue. It wasn't that I didn't love my wife and care for her, I did, and I didn't want to leave our history or even the comfort of our home. Regardless, I knew that growing old, my need unmet, was going to leave me an angry, resentful old man. I didn't want to end up that way.
I guess what you are going to have to figure out, is what percentage of the mix is sex in your overall relationship, and make a decision from there.
I hope that helps.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
What gives? I skimmed some of your thread and saw you say you're in an upswing and happy.
Now OM emails. Whack. Knocks you back down.
IMO OM is a weasel.
I pegged you as a chick who wouldn't be into a weasel.
If I were going off to Iraq in the next week I could find no less than 12 single Fs to shag rotten. I don't need to lower myself to weasel status and wreck an M already on shaky ground.
Boo Fing hoo. I respect OM's dedication to our country. I don't respect his ambushing married F affair memries long since over.
Go sniff around single Fs weasel. God knows there are plenty out there.
As for you, LFL, I would stop focusing on what the odds are and try and find guidance from others' sitches.
There is another MC who cites a pretty big study on all aspects of an happy R. Ranking them 1-10 in diff. categories like SL, kids, Finances, companionshi[p etc. from thousands of M couples.
And what was the average state as to overall M happiness:
6.7
Or just above average. Try not to look for the perfect M; doesn't exist.
The only thing that matters is your commitment to stick it out for the long haul, better or worst.
And as for your email snooping from H. I think this would be very confusing and a mixed message. I can see your H thinking:
"If I say, yes, and start snooping then she'll just think, hmmm, he doesn't trust me. I guess I'll be under his suspicion for the rest of my life."
Hence he backs away from what he thinks is a test of his trust.
I seriously doubt he wants to look like a snooper. I also think he would rather trust you than to start reading your emails and have his worst fears come true as to what you say to other OMs.
-Stigmata-
The difference between a warrior and an ordinary man is the warrior views everything as a challenge; the ordinary man views everything as either a blessing or a curse.
-Yaqui shaman Don Juan-
...and that holds 2x true for nice guy wussies, DJ
What gives? I skimmed some of your thread and saw you say you're in an upswing and happy.
Now OM emails. Whack. Knocks you back down.
IMO OM is a weasel.
I don't think I used the word happy, maybe content. But my emotions fluctuate from day to day. That's just the way it is right now.
You can say OM is a weasel but I don't see how a divorced father of 3 who happened to meet me after my separation and proceeded to encourage me to reconcile with my H is a weasel. He left me alone for a long time and then proceeded to ask me thru email if I ended up getting D. I said no. He has kindly backed off. What is the problem? I didn't have an A with this man. The world is not so black and white, good and evil.
Quote:
If I were going off to Iraq in the next week
Which you aren't so don't speak about what you don't know
Quote:
I could find no less than 12 single Fs to shag rotten. I don't need to lower myself to weasel status and wreck an M already on shaky ground.
I've already explained what happened. You can twist around all you want to make yourself feel better though. Yes, you are righteous. Good for you.
Quote:
Boo Fing hoo. I respect OM's dedication to our country. I don't respect his ambushing married F affair memries long since over.
Again, stop making him out to be a villian. That is not the case. He is more of a real MAN than most.
Quote:
The only thing that matters is your commitment to stick it out for the long haul, better or worst.
F that. I'm not going to stick it out for Worst. I only have one life to lead and I'm not going to spend it resentful, depressed, and longing for something that is just out of reach. You live your life the way you see fit though. Sorry to go off on you Stigmata. I'm in a pissy mood. I know you are trying to knock some sense into me. But the sense is long gone. LFL
All I see is a woman that is defending the OM and leaving her H on the sidelines
You are convincing yourself how much better it is to leave than stay, and this is just a recipe for disaster
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Well, the ED issue makes things even more dicey, especially if he's trying to function outside his comfort zone anyway. The normally assertive stuff I'm looking for is comparable to a guy asking his wife for anal sex. I believe he sees it as that outre. It's not way high up on my radar at the moment, but I wanted to say to LFL that I understood. Sex with my bf has never been good... THAT was the red flag that I ignored in the beginning. Thanks for your comment, NOP.
