It was all so long ago. I was a stupid girl in a possessive relationship and lost all the "fun" I had been having. I started having fun without him and he didn't like that. Pushed me further away. It got worse and worse, until he looked very unattractive and being on my own looked very attractive. I admit I was attention starved. LOVED the attention from boys. (I still like lots of validation whether it's, "You're such a great mom!" or "You're his favorite teacher!" or "You're such a thoughtful friend" etc etc). I used to say I met Joey too young. I think if we had met when I was ready to settle down, all would have been perfect. To tell someone that is SO LAME though. I have told him that I was selfish and I was focused on myself and making myself feel good and I am sorry I was cold to him. It doesn't seem to do any good but just adds fuel to his rage that I would drop him over such trivial emotions and then decide later I wanted him back.
I don't know if he would come on here. Although I've been purely honest, he would probably DEEPLY RESENT my posting here. How could I get around that? I'm REALLY not one for secrets, but I get support from this board that I could not get elsewhere. My friends (as you can see) don't get it anymore and think I'm probably at the point where I've met head-on with deal breaker behavior.
Thanks for any advice/comments. I feel so frustrated and hopeless.
