lostmybfriend

[lostmybfriend]

i am about ready to give up i dont know what else to do. when he was out living on his own he would come over once or twice a week to see the kids and now he wants to bring her over and i am not ready for that then he thinks i am acting like a child. i don't know what to do. what does a 19 yr old see in a 38 yr old? how can this be happening?

[Yoyowife]

I'm probably not the best person to be giving advice, because it seems like I make mistakes every which way I turn. But that being said, you can only hope that them being around each all the time they will realize it's not a bed of roses.

[lostmybfriend]

yea well it seems like that here to all my h and i have done today and yesterday is argue. i can't stand it anymore. i feel like i dont even know him. what is so bad is i am sure this is bringing them closer together but they r just so happy about moving into there new apartment together. he just gets so mad when things do not go his way. its like if i tell him no on anything it is i hate u i cant believe i ever loved you and i don't care if i have to pay out the ass i want this marriage over with now! where is the man i married?

[Yoyowife]

I know it hurts for him to move out, but it sounds like you need the space from him right now. You are right that they seem to be getting closer, but surely they will get on each other's nerves. The age difference is so big. I cannot imagine myself at 19 wanting to be with a 38 year old man. I was having too much fun being young.

It's so hard to take care of the kids when you are a basket case, take this time away from him to do things for yourself and the kids. My girls are teens, but I hate being upset in front of them.

[runningoutoftime]

He wants to bring her to your house??? What nerve!!!!! Wow, my husband never would have done that. I would have verbally cut them to shreds (and maybe even take a carton of eggs and lobbed them at her!). Grrrrrr....

But of course, they would have said I was nuts, or childish too, used this against me some way in court, my husband would have said, "Now you can see why I wanted to divorce her," etc...

Really, even if you have daydreams of all the mean things you'd like to do, it's always better to take the "high road." You want to be the better person. This doesn't mean you have to be stepped on or have to act like she's part of the family. You have a right not to have her in your home and you can tell your husband in a cordial manner that you don't approve of the relationship and don't want her in your home, around you, phone calls from her... nothing! You are entitled to your privacy.

Unfortunately, you probably can't stop her from being around your kids when he has them. You could look into a legal separation that would give you more control, but that's about it. Hopefully he won't want to have them over often. Although sometimes, that little bit of reality can make a difference. One of my previous neighbors was a 38-year-old divorced dad (two boys) who married a 21 or 22-year-old single girl on the block (she was living with her parents). I heard after a few years that marriage had a lot of difficulties because this woman found the kids overwhelming (even at 22 she was not ready to be a mom to two pre-adolescent boys! She had more growing up to do...). I think they eventually divorced.

Truly, what you need to do is quit worrying about your husband and just take care of yourself and the kids. Keep GALING!!!! Detach and start having a life. What are you doing for yourself???? Are you working out? You need those endorphins. Are you going out? Have you bought yourself a new outfit? (something super attractive!!!).

[lostmybfriend]

my h and i had the arguement today about them staying the night i told him that i did not approve and that i did not want the kids to think this was ok. also they only have a 1bdrm aprt so the boys will have to sleep on the floor in the den. he told me he was getting a 2 bdrm apartment but instead got a 1 bc of all the amenities that came with this one. i am trying to gal but i cant bc i still have the boys 24-7 if they r not in school. i am exercising though. i do 1 mile in the morning and 1 mile when the kids get home from school. they like going walking with me and it is def. a stress reliever. i got on the scales this morning and i have lost a total of 59 pounds. i was so happy!!!

[Yoyowife]

You go girl, way to go on the weight loss.

[lostmybfriend]

thanks! i have trouble finding good things to think about bc every good memory that i have it has to do with my h and then it just doesn't seem so good anymore but my weight has nothing to do with him! THAT IS ALL ME!!!!! whoo hoo!

[Yoyowife]

I've lost 40 pounds and it is so nice to wear stylish clothes again isn't? I don't feel dumpy anymore. I'm sure you get lots of compliments. It's a big self-esteem booster isn't it? At this point we need all the encouragement we can get. Hang in there.

[lostmybfriend]

congradulations to u to yoyo. i remember when i hit 40 pounds i was so excited so i know how you feel. i don't have the money for new clothes right now but it is nice to be able to get old clothes that i have packed up and thought that i would never be able to wear again and they fit. i love it. i just want to ring my h's neck bc i was talking to him about it a week ago and he said i don't see a difference. i was so mad how could he not notice my old pants wont even stay on wo a belt. grrrrrrr he fustrates me so much. a part of me wonders if he just doesn't want to see bc it is easier for him to leave and be with this little 19 yr old. don't worry one day he wont be able to dissmiss my weight loss.